Overview

Each of us has parts or aspects of ourselves that we try to keep hidden from the rest of the world. We do this—consciously or unconsciously—because we have a negative belief about those parts: they are somehow unacceptable, inappropriate, bad or wrong. And what’s worse, because these parts exist within our overall makeup, we inadvertently come to believe that we are somehow defective or broken.

As we learn in Dark Forest, the truth is that our Shadows are actually very powerful aspects of ourselves, and if we simply take the time to meet, engage, understand and eventually embrace them, we will have a much deeper and more intimate knowing of who we really are. And this has only positive implications for the kinds of lives we are destined to live.

Situation

There is something on your horizon that you really want. It could be something that you want to obtain, or something that you want to achieve. You feel a powerful kind of hunger within you to be in a space where you actually have this, whatever it is. The problem is, you also notice that there is a part of you that is holding you back in some way. The reluctance may be manifesting as a cold, tight feeling in your gut, or it may be showing up as a voice in your head that is making your desire look very dangerous—or it may be a combination of these things.

You have an unconscious belief that to achieve or obtain the thing you want will somehow end up causing you pain, so a Shadow within you is activated by that belief and is trying to hold you back from getting hurt.

Recommendation

Congratulations! You have become aware of one of your Shadows. It is probably not immediately obvious what this part of you is attempting to create with its actions; however, most of the time, when you get down to the deepest truth of the Shadow, it almost always seeks to create one of the four core states:

• Being — characterized by words like presence, fullness, wholeness, and sovereignty.
• Serenity — characterized by words like inner peace, calmness, contentedness, and safety.
• Love — characterized by words like freedom, acceptance, honesty, and unconditional love.
• Oneness — characterized by words like inclusion, belonging, family, and relationship.

If you want to find out what your Shadow is trying to accomplish, perform the steps of a simple “shadow interview”:

1. Bring your full attention to the part of you that is holding you back from getting what you want. Imagine this part as another person sitting across from you. Let this part know that you simply want to get to know him/her better and understand his/her perspective.
2. Find out what this part likes to be called, so you can address him/her properly. Sometimes the response to this question will be a name (could be your nick-name as a child), or it could be a role, such as “protector” or “guard dog” or some other role. Whatever name is offered, make sure to use that name for all subsequent questions.
3. Ask the part how long s/he has been around. Thank you for being here, <part’s name>. Can you tell me how long you have been present in <your own name>’s life? (Remember, you are trying to get information from the other part here, so during the interview you want to refer to yourself in the 3^rd person.)
4. Ask open-ended questions to get as much detail as you can from <part’s name> that help you to understand his/her motivation.
5. As you uncover more and more information, you will probably learn that this part experienced some kind of pain in your early life when trying to go after what s/he wanted. As a result of this experience, s/he may have adopted a coping strategy that kept him/her safe as a child. However, this strategy is no longer working, so you as the adult now have the opportunity to provide support to the immature part of yourself that is still using this now-dysfunctional approach.
6. Make sure to express deep gratitude to <part’s name> for trying to keep YOU safe, and for working so hard to bring Being, Serenity, Love, or Oneness into your life.
7. Point out that, as an adult, you now have powers and capabilities that you didn’t have as a child, and that you know that the current situation is something that you can handle. Let <part’s name> know that you are choosing to go ahead and go after what you want, and that you are prepared to deal with any risks that might show up.
8. Let <part’s name> know that you really appreciate the fact that s/he is looking out for your, and welcome any additional warnings that might come your way so that you can keep the dialog open.

This process is a very powerful way to bring awareness to one of your Shadow behaviors, and to convert that Shadow from a covert saboteur into an agent that can actually help you in your future endeavors.