Overview

As we learn in Alignment Ridge, Integrity is a state of being in which our thoughts, words, actions and emotions are all in alignment. Being “in integrity” is a wonderful experience, and most of us know instinctively when we are there. But, as we also learn, Integrity is even more powerful when we synchronize our alignment with our sacred Purpose for being. When we create this kind of alignment, we feel inspired and motivated, perhaps even unstoppable!

No-one is “in integrity” 100% of the time; we all slip-up occasionally. Thankfully, one of the other tools we learn about in Alignment Ridge is Accountability, which enables us to perform some powerful introspection to find out how we got off track, and to create a new commitment to find our way back to our chosen path.

Situation

You will be faced with conditions and circumstances that will put at least two of your commitments in conflict with one another. You will find that you have to make choices that will pull you out of integrity with at least one of these commitments. Because you are a person who highly values integrity, this will cause you a great deal of inner turmoil; you will have difficulty making the necessary choices.

Recommendation

Whenever you have two or more commitments that come into conflict with each other, you are faced with a dilemma: Which commitment do I follow through on, and how do I minimize the damage when I break one of the others?

If you simply choose one commitment and forget about the other(s), then you risk damaging your relationship with the people involved in the broken commitments. This can get worse over time if you allow this sort of thing to happen repeatedly, because then people begin to see you as someone who doesn’t keep his/her word, who can’t be counted on, who “flakes out” and doesn’t follow through. This in turn leads to broken trust, which makes it very hard for people to stay in relationship with you. Most people will accept an apology once or twice, but after that, if there is no change in behavior, your fate is sealed with them.

So, what is the solution? Simple: Negotiation. This is a form of self-accountability because you are acknowledging that you somehow allowed two or more commitments to come into conflict with one another. You are taking responsibility for the choices you made to allow this to happen, and you are asking one or more of the people you committed to for permission to change the terms of the commitment(s).

You could approach the other party (or parties) and say something like the following:

I want to apologize to you because I’ve created a situation in which I have a conflict with the agreement I made with you. I will not be able to complete that commitment in the manner we agreed upon, and I would like to discuss with you how we might be able to re-structure the agreement in a mutually acceptable way.

The other person may not be in a position to modify the existing agreement, so you may have to try this approach with each of the other people involved. Whatever happens, make sure you approach each party with a genuine desire to find a mutually acceptable solution. Even if things don’t quite work out the way you want them to, at least you have made your best effort, preserved your integrity, and reduced the risk of broken trust with those people.