What Is Your Ideal Lifestyle…

Discover What Is and What is To Be on Your Journey of Life…

Click the two cards below to see what Present and Future you have drawn. Then click again to get the description and recommendations for your specific situation. Watch for follow-up emails with even more information to guide you…

Be sure to write down the names of your two cards, so you can access additional information later.

Passive Income Lifestyle
This card will tell you how things are now…

Base Camp

Awareness

Overview

When you are about to set out on a journey, before you can ever hope to know how to get where you want to go, you must first be very clear about where you are right now. In other words, you must make sure you know as much as possible about your current situation, conditions, environment and circumstances.

This is Awareness, the foundational skill of Life Mastery Way. Because it is so important, we learn about it first at our centering and grounding station, what we call Base Camp.  Your objective is to bring Awareness into every aspect of your life and, as much as possible, keep it present in every moment. This means being aware of what is going on in your surroundings, and also within you—that is, your emotions, thoughts and sensations.

Situation

Lately, you have been operating much like a sleep-walker. That is, you have slipped into an unconscious behavior pattern; it may seem as if you are flying on auto-pilot. Obviously, you have not done this deliberately, but you are probably experiencing moments where you think things like these:

  • How did I get here? I don’t remember the last 30 minutes.
  • I am way off-kilter here; I seem to be bouncing around from one thing to another with no sense of direction.
  • I am totally confused and disoriented; I need to get back on track.

Recommendation

It is important to stop whatever you are doing, at least until you can bring more Awareness into your current situation. Find a quiet place where you can sit and relax. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and bring awareness to all aspects of your situation.

External Inventory

Take stock of everything around you, and bring your focus to as many details as possible. Notice the shapes and colors of all objects around you. Notice the temperature of the room or the space. If you are outdoors, take not of the details of the weather conditions. Are there people or animals around, or are you alone? What kind of objects are around you? Just notice as much as you can without making up any story or drawing any judgments or conclusions about any of it.

Internal Inventory

Now bring your attention to your body. Notice any physical sensations that you might be feeling: cold/hot, relaxed/tense, hungry, clammy, shivery, etc. Again, avoid any judgment or interpretation; just take stock.

Next, notice the emotions that you are feeling. Try to limit your words to one of the four primary emotions: sadness, fear, anger, or joy. Is it a strong or weak emotion at this time? How long have you been feeling this emotion? Again, no judgment; just observation.

Finally, bring your attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are your thoughts related to a common theme? Do you notice a judgmental or interpretational quality to your thoughts? How long have these thoughts been present in your mind?

Introspection

Now that you have elevated your awareness about your current internal and external state, take a few moments to see if you can peek under the covers and find out more about how you came to be in this state. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself—remember not to judge yourself for your current state:

  1. How did I attract my current situation into my life?
  2. What is the purpose for my current behavior?
  3. In what ways are my thoughts, words, actions and emotions aligned with my purpose?
  4. In what ways are they out of alignment?
  5. Do I wish to change this situation? If so, what new choice will I make?
Final Steps

Once you are complete with this process, take some time to honor yourself for having had sufficient
Awareness to know that you were operating unconsciously, and for having the courage to look inside to find out what was really going on. Notice how you are feeling now, and take this new feeling into the next phase of your life.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Easy Do-It-Yourself
This card will tell you how things are now…

Alignment Ridge

Integrity

Overview

As we learn in Alignment Ridge, Integrity is a state of being in which our thoughts, words, actions and emotions are all in alignment. Being “in integrity” is a wonderful experience, and most of us know instinctively when we are there. But, as we also learn, Integrity is even more powerful when we synchronize our alignment with our sacred Purpose for being. When we create this kind of alignment, we feel inspired and motivated, perhaps even unstoppable!

No-one is “in integrity” 100% of the time; we all slip-up occasionally. Thankfully, one of the other tools we learn about in Alignment Ridge is Accountability, which enables us to perform some powerful introspection to find out how we got off track, and to create a new commitment to find our way back to our chosen path.

Situation

It has come to your attention that your thoughts, words, actions and emotions are not aligned with each other, or at odds in some way with your purpose for being. As a result, you are feeling a sense of disorientation or confusion about your life. This may be creating a story loop in your mind with thoughts similar to these:

  • I have no idea where I am or where I’m supposed to be going.
  • I’ve completely forgotten my commitments, and I seem to be wandering around aimlessly.
  • My life is in chaos! How did this happen?
  • Nothing makes sense at the moment! Why am I doing this? How did I get off track?
  • <So-and-so> is going to be pissed at me; how can I make this right?

Recommendation

Being out of integrity is a pretty common state. Everyone experiences it from time to time, because, as humans, we all make mistakes. So, first and foremost, be gentle with yourself and make sure to approach this issue with love and compassion.

Begin by determining if you are out of integrity because of a broken agreement with someone else, or if you are simply out of integrity with yourself—in which case you may have forgotten or violated a commitment to yourself. Regardless of the situation, you can use this self-accountability process to get back on track.

Find a quiet place to journal your responses to the following:

  1. What was the agreement or commitment I failed to honor?
  2. What choices did I make (conscious or unconscious) that led me to slip out of integrity with respect to this agreement/commitment?
  3. What were the consequences of these choices?
  4. What possible unconscious beliefs do I have that may have led to these choices in the first place?
  5. What is the source of these beliefs? Where might they have originated in my earlier life?
  6. Now that I have a better understanding of what drove my choices, what can I do to take full responsibility for the consequences I created?
  7. What new commitment can I make (to myself or to the other party) so as to challenge myself to grow from this learning and to regain my alignment with my purpose?

If your agreement/commitment was with another person, you will find it very empowering and liberating to approach that person from a place of vulnerability, and own your mis-step, offer any apology if required, and re-commit to your agreement.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Easy Do-It-For-You…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Base Camp

Awareness

Overview

When you are about to set out on a journey, before you can ever hope to know how to get where you want to go, you must first be very clear about where you are right now. In other words, you must make sure you know as much as possible about your current situation, conditions, environment and circumstances.

This is Awareness, the foundational skill of Life Mastery Way. Because it is so important, we learn about it first at our centering and grounding station, what we call Base Camp.  Your objective is to bring Awareness into every aspect of your life and, as much as possible, keep it present in every moment. This means being aware of what is going on in your surroundings, and also within you—that is, your emotions, thoughts and sensations.

Situation

You are going to be experiencing a situation that could create some chaos in your life. If you are not prepared, you may find yourself shaken off-center, ungrounded, and possibly disconnected from who you really are. This could have unpleasant and undesirable consequences in all areas of your life.

Recommendation

No matter what might be happening in your life, the more Awareness you can bring to it all, the easier it is to deal with whatever shows up. That is because Awareness helps you to be more present—emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. As you deepen your practice of Awareness, you tend to invite calmness and serenity with you wherever you go, which means that you also tend to be less reactive when chaotic events show up.

In preparation for whatever might be headed your way, take time each day to pause whatever you are engaged in so that you can return to a full Awareness of What Is in the present moment:

  • Notice without judgment what is going on in your surroundings. Are you indoors, or out in nature? What do you see, hear, taste, smell and feel? Are there other people or animals? What are they doing? What is the loudest sound you can hear? What is the quietest? Pay attention to as much detail as you can observe.
  • Bring your attention within. What sensations are you feeling on and within your body? Are you feeling cold or warm? Are you hungry or thirsty?
  • Notice the quality and intensity of your emotional energy. Identify your primary emotional state. Does your emotional state seem related to the physical sensations in your body?
  • What thoughts are passing through your mind? Are they somewhat inert or passive thoughts, or do they seem to carry a lot of energy or urgency? Do you find yourself thinking judgmentally about your situation or about someone in your life?

Remember to remain the Observer in this practice, and release any judgments you may have about whatever is going on.

With practice, you will elevate your Awareness to a much higher level, you will find yourself much better equipped to face whatever situation shows up in your life, and you will discover that you will approach things with a lot more equanimity.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Assetizing…
This card will tell you how things are now…

Dark Forest

Shadow

Overview

Each of us has parts or aspects of ourselves that we try to keep hidden from the rest of the world. We do this—consciously or unconsciously—because we have a negative belief about those parts: they are somehow unacceptable, inappropriate, bad or wrong. And what’s worse, because these parts exist within our overall makeup, we inadvertently come to believe that we are somehow defective or broken.

As we learn in Dark Forest, the truth is that our Shadows are actually very powerful aspects of ourselves, and if we simply take the time to meet, engage, understand and eventually embrace them, we will have a much deeper and more intimate knowing of who we really are. And this has only positive implications for the kinds of lives we are destined to live.

Situation

There is something on your horizon that you really want. It could be something that you want to obtain, or something that you want to achieve. You feel a powerful kind of hunger within you to be in a space where you actually have this, whatever it is. The problem is, you also notice that there is a part of you that is holding you back in some way. The reluctance may be manifesting as a cold, tight feeling in your gut, or it may be showing up as a voice in your head that is making your desire look very dangerous—or it may be a combination of these things.

You have an unconscious belief that to achieve or obtain the thing you want will somehow end up causing you pain, so a Shadow within you is activated by that belief and is trying to hold you back from getting hurt.

Recommendation

Congratulations! You have become aware of one of your Shadows. It is probably not immediately obvious what this part of you is attempting to create with its actions; however, most of the time, when you get down to the deepest truth of the Shadow, it almost always seeks to create one of the four core states:

  • Being — characterized by words like presence, fullness, wholeness, and sovereignty.
  • Serenity — characterized by words like inner peace, calmness, contentedness, and safety.
  • Love — characterized by words like freedom, acceptance, honesty, and unconditional love.
  • Oneness — characterized by words like inclusion, belonging, family, and relationship.

If you want to find out what your Shadow is trying to accomplish, perform the steps of a simple “shadow interview”:

  1. Bring your full attention to the part of you that is holding you back from getting what you want. Imagine this part as another person sitting across from you. Let this part know that you simply want to get to know him/her better and understand his/her perspective.
  2. Find out what this part likes to be called, so you can address him/her properly. Sometimes the response to this question will be a name (could be your nick-name as a child), or it could be a role, such as “protector” or “guard dog” or some other role. Whatever name is offered, make sure to use that name for all subsequent questions.
  3. Ask the part how long s/he has been around. Thank you for being here, <part’s name>. Can you tell me how long you have been present in <your own name>’s life? (Remember, you are trying to get information from the other part here, so during the interview you want to refer to yourself in the 3rd person.)
  4. Ask open-ended questions to get as much detail as you can from <part’s name> that help you to understand his/her motivation.
  5. As you uncover more and more information, you will probably learn that this part experienced some kind of pain in your early life when trying to go after what s/he wanted. As a result of this experience, s/he may have adopted a coping strategy that kept him/her safe as a child. However, this strategy is no longer working, so you as the adult now have the opportunity to provide support to the immature part of yourself that is still using this now-dysfunctional approach.
  6. Make sure to express deep gratitude to <part’s name> for trying to keep YOU safe, and for working so hard to bring Being, Serenity, Love, or Oneness into your life.
  7. Point out that, as an adult, you now have powers and capabilities that you didn’t have as a child, and that you know that the current situation is something that you can handle. Let <part’s name> know that you are choosing to go ahead and go after what you want, and that you are prepared to deal with any risks that might show up.
  8. Let <part’s name> know that you really appreciate the fact that s/he is looking out for your, and welcome any additional warnings that might come your way so that you can keep the dialog open.

This process is a very powerful way to bring awareness to one of your Shadow behaviors, and to convert that Shadow from a covert saboteur into an agent that can actually help you in your future endeavors.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Automated Modeling
This card will tell you how things are now…

Karma Crossroads

Choice

Overview

One thing that we all have available to us in every moment is Choice. It may not always seem that way, though.

Sometimes, some of the alternatives available to us may be completely unacceptable for any number of reasons, so it may seem that there is only one viable option, even if that last remaining option is distasteful—in which case, it is usually the least of all evils. When this happens, we may think that we really have no choice at all—or that we are forced into something we didn’t really want.

In other circumstances, we may be making our choices unconsciously. In this case, we may be operating on “auto-pilot”, making decisions without even being aware. The problem here is that, when we aren’t aware of our choices, then we are certainly not aware of their impact, and we may not realize how our actions are affecting the world around us.

In Karma Crossroads, we look at the concept of Choice in a new way, and we learn how to make our choices both consciously and responsibly.

Situation

Lately, you have been making a lot of your choices unconsciously, and you are now becoming aware of some of the unintended consequences of those choices. Some of the people around you are beginning to express displeasure or even upset because of your words or actions. Some of them may even be describing pain in their relationship with you. And now, you are beginning to feel internal guilt or shame because of the current situation, and the voice inside your head may be berating you for some of these choices, with words like:

  • How could you be so bone-headed as to make a decision like that?
  • What on earth were you thinking? You should have known this would happen.

In addition, you are feeling significant emotional pain of your own right now, worrying that you may not be able to make things right.

Recommendation

The first thing you must realize is that you cannot respond to anything anyone is saying to you from a place of knee-jerk reaction. The easiest way to deal with people who are upset with you right now is simply to say to them: I’m sorry to hear that you are upset, and I thank you for your feedback. I am not in a space to respond right now, but I will consider what you’ve said and get back to you later today. Then, find yourself a safe and quiet space where you can do some gentle and loving introspection.

As with all Life Mastery processes, begin by getting yourself into a relaxing position and take some slow deep breaths to help raise your awareness. Notice what is going on around you and within you and allow yourself to observe everything without judgment or interpretation.

As your level of relaxation and awareness increase, do a time scan over the recent past to observe the choices you have made. Pay close attention to the energy you had when you made those choices. Were you under some kind of pressure that led you to choose without putting your full attention and intention into those choices? Or were you simply operating on “auto-pilot”? Whatever the case, simply observe without judgment or interpretation.

As you become aware of all of the choices you made without due consideration of possible consequences, forgive yourself for slipping into unconsciousness, and make a personal commitment to bring consciousness and intention into all of your choices going forward.

After you have completed this introspection, you can take a few more deep breaths, and honor yourself for doing the work necessary to take responsible stock of all of the choices you have made.

When you are ready, return to the people who have confronted you and take full ownership of the choices you made and why you made them. If necessary, apologize for any unintended consequences you may have created, and commit to those people your intention to choose more consciously in the future.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Cash Pumping In…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Base Camp

Awareness

Overview

When you are about to set out on a journey, before you can ever hope to know how to get where you want to go, you must first be very clear about where you are right now. In other words, you must make sure you know as much as possible about your current situation, conditions, environment and circumstances.

This is Awareness, the foundational skill of Life Mastery Way. Because it is so important, we learn about it first at our centering and grounding station, what we call Base Camp.  Your objective is to bring Awareness into every aspect of your life and, as much as possible, keep it present in every moment. This means being aware of what is going on in your surroundings, and also within you—that is, your emotions, thoughts and sensations.

Situation

You are going to be experiencing a situation that could create some chaos in your life. If you are not prepared, you may find yourself shaken off-center, ungrounded, and possibly disconnected from who you really are. This could have unpleasant and undesirable consequences in all areas of your life.

Recommendation

No matter what might be happening in your life, the more Awareness you can bring to it all, the easier it is to deal with whatever shows up. That is because Awareness helps you to be more present—emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. As you deepen your practice of Awareness, you tend to invite calmness and serenity with you wherever you go, which means that you also tend to be less reactive when chaotic events show up.

In preparation for whatever might be headed your way, take time each day to pause whatever you are engaged in so that you can return to a full Awareness of What Is in the present moment:

  • Notice without judgment what is going on in your surroundings. Are you indoors, or out in nature? What do you see, hear, taste, smell and feel? Are there other people or animals? What are they doing? What is the loudest sound you can hear? What is the quietest? Pay attention to as much detail as you can observe.
  • Bring your attention within. What sensations are you feeling on and within your body? Are you feeling cold or warm? Are you hungry or thirsty?
  • Notice the quality and intensity of your emotional energy. Identify your primary emotional state. Does your emotional state seem related to the physical sensations in your body?
  • What thoughts are passing through your mind? Are they somewhat inert or passive thoughts, or do they seem to carry a lot of energy or urgency? Do you find yourself thinking judgmentally about your situation or about someone in your life?

Remember to remain the Observer in this practice, and release any judgments you may have about whatever is going on.

With practice, you will elevate your Awareness to a much higher level, you will find yourself much better equipped to face whatever situation shows up in your life, and you will discover that you will approach things with a lot more equanimity.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Awakening
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Alignment Ridge

Integrity

Overview

As we learn in Alignment Ridge, Integrity is a state of being in which our thoughts, words, actions and emotions are all in alignment. Being “in integrity” is a wonderful experience, and most of us know instinctively when we are there. But, as we also learn, Integrity is even more powerful when we synchronize our alignment with our sacred Purpose for being. When we create this kind of alignment, we feel inspired and motivated, perhaps even unstoppable!

No-one is “in integrity” 100% of the time; we all slip-up occasionally. Thankfully, one of the other tools we learn about in Alignment Ridge is Accountability, which enables us to perform some powerful introspection to find out how we got off track, and to create a new commitment to find our way back to our chosen path.

Situation

You will be faced with conditions and circumstances that will put at least two of your commitments in conflict with one another. You will find that you have to make choices that will pull you out of integrity with at least one of these commitments. Because you are a person who highly values integrity, this will cause you a great deal of inner turmoil; you will have difficulty making the necessary choices.

Recommendation

Whenever you have two or more commitments that come into conflict with each other, you are faced with a dilemma: Which commitment do I follow through on, and how do I minimize the damage when I break one of the others?

If you simply choose one commitment and forget about the other(s), then you risk damaging your relationship with the people involved in the broken commitments. This can get worse over time if you allow this sort of thing to happen repeatedly, because then people begin to see you as someone who doesn’t keep his/her word, who can’t be counted on, who “flakes out” and doesn’t follow through. This in turn leads to broken trust, which makes it very hard for people to stay in relationship with you. Most people will accept an apology once or twice, but after that, if there is no change in behavior, your fate is sealed with them.

So, what is the solution? Simple: Negotiation. This is a form of self-accountability because you are acknowledging that you somehow allowed two or more commitments to come into conflict with one another. You are taking responsibility for the choices you made to allow this to happen, and you are asking one or more of the people you committed to for permission to change the terms of the commitment(s).

You could approach the other party (or parties) and say something like the following:

I want to apologize to you because I’ve created a situation in which I have a conflict with the agreement I made with you. I will not be able to complete that commitment in the manner we agreed upon, and I would like to discuss with you how we might be able to re-structure the agreement in a mutually acceptable way.

The other person may not be in a position to modify the existing agreement, so you may have to try this approach with each of the other people involved. Whatever happens, make sure you approach each party with a genuine desire to find a mutually acceptable solution. Even if things don’t quite work out the way you want them to, at least you have made your best effort, preserved your integrity, and reduced the risk of broken trust with those people.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Igniting…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Dark Forest

Shadow

Overview

Each of us has parts or aspects of ourselves that we try to keep hidden from the rest of the world. We do this—consciously or unconsciously—because we have a negative belief about those parts: they are somehow unacceptable, inappropriate, bad or wrong. And what’s worse, because these parts exist within our overall makeup, we inadvertently come to believe that we are somehow defective or broken.

As we learn in Dark Forest, the truth is that our Shadows are actually very powerful aspects of ourselves, and if we simply take the time to meet, engage, understand and eventually embrace them, we will have a much deeper and more intimate knowing of who we really are. And this has only positive implications for the kinds of lives we are destined to live.

Situation

Conditions are coming into being that will trigger unconscious resistance in you. You will find yourself looking for ways to avoid certain people or circumstances, and you may not be fully aware of this tendency. You may hear an inner voice warning you of some kind of unspecified danger, or strongly suggesting other activities that will keep you away from this situation.

Recommendation

When your Shadow activates, it works behind the scenes. Since it represents a part of you that you disavowed or disowned at an earlier time in your life, it tries to stay out of sight. This Shadow initially came into being because of an unconscious negative belief you took on when you were younger—likely as the result of a painful or traumatic experience—and it adopted whatever coping strategy you discovered for dealing with similar experiences that appeared to be creating the same kind of pain or trauma.

The situation today is that, even though you are much older and wiser than when you experienced the childhood pain that started this dynamic, you are still unconsciously using the same coping strategy—even though it almost certainly no longer works for you! Your Shadow is still alive and well behind the scenes, and whenever it detects a situation even remotely similar to the one that happened when you were a child, it automatically goes into self-protection mode and starts implementing its innate coping strategy. Meanwhile, you are still trying to live your life and do the things you do, but your Shadow—in its zeal to keep you safe—somehow takes over and manages to run the show, sometimes creating chaos in the process.

The solution here is for you to raise your awareness and bring your own Shadow into the light. You must remember that your Shadow is trying to create one of the four core states: Being, Serenity, Love, or Oneness. It is simply using a strategy that no longer achieves the desired result.

Create a safe and quiet place where you can relax and know you are totally safe. Do the following:

  1. Bring your awareness to the Shadow within you, and let it know that you are here simply to provide love and support.
  2. Speak to the Shadow as if it were a small child, and invite it to come closer so that you can hold it in your lap. See yourself as a loving parent who is trying to soothe his/her own little child. Just be totally present for this child, without judgment or condition, and make yourself available to listen to whatever the child has to say. Some of the following questions might be helpful:
    • What do you imagine is going to happen?
    • Does this remind you of something else that happened to you at a different time?
    • What happened to you as a result of that similar situation?
    • How did you feel because of what happened to you?
    • What did you come to believe about yourself or the world because of that situation?
    • And so you adopted the strategy of <describe the strategy> because it kept you safe, right?
  3. Once you have answers to these questions, you (as the adult) can now begin bringing some loving support to the small child. You might say something like the following:
    I am really sorry that that happened to you, and that there was no-one there to protect you when you needed protection the most. I am proud of you for finding your own way to keep yourself safe. That really worked for you for a long time, so thank you for doing that. It just shows how resourceful and thoughtful you were. But I am here now. I am an adult with adult powers, and I can do things that I could not do when I was a child. I am here to keep you safe and protect you. You no longer need to take care of me—that is my job, not yours. So, I release you from your job of trying to keep me safe, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done for me.
  4. You may find that the child will release some tears, and you might do the same. Just let that happen, and allow the love to flow between you.
  5. When you are ready, release the child, and allow him/her to go off and play, like a child should be able to do.
  6. Take note of how you are feeling, and embrace the full power of who you really are.

After this process is complete, you will be much better prepared to deal with future situations that trigger the pain and reaction of old wounds.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Focusing…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Ayuwi Circle

Relationship

Overview

Imagine a world in which you are completely alone. No other people. No animals or plants. No other life of any kind. And no inanimate objects of any kind, either. Sounds pretty desolate, to be sure. And yet, if you think about it for a moment, you might ask yourself this question: in the absence of all these things, how would you know who YOU really are?

It is a perplexing question, one well worth considering, for it brings us all face-to-face with a head-slapping realization: that we need all those other things (people, animals, inanimate objects, and so on) in our lives so that we can relate to them. And by relating to all those entities, we get to experience ourselves for who we really are.

That is what Ayuwi Circle teaches us: that Relationship is the single most powerful tool available to us in the physical realm for fully expressing and experiencing who we really are. In other words, relationships—all relationships—are sacred!

Situation

You are headed for troubled waters in one of your closest relationships. The other person will engage in a seemingly trivial behavior that will trigger a reaction within you. However, in the interest of “keeping the peace”, you will minimize the event and decide not mention it. In the following days or weeks, the other person will engage in other “trivial” behaviors that you will also minimize and stay silent about. Eventually, the build up of energy from your silent reactions will reach a breaking point, and you will react in a much more emotional, possibly even explosive, way.

Recommendation

The scenario described above is not uncommon, especially in close or intimate relationships. The problem is, we value our primary relationships and we want them to go well, so we may find ourselves choosing not to mention these so-called “trivial” problems because we believe that we’ll be seen as petty or nagging.

Unfortunately, if you withhold the truth about the internal reaction you are experiencing because of something your partner does, you are inadvertently creating a barrier to closer communication with him/her. It may be a very small barrier at first, and your partner may not even notice. But when the next trigger or “ouch” occurs and you again choose to remain silent, then you are effectively adding another “brick” in the wall between you and your partner. As more and more “bricks” are added, you become more and more sensitive to the things that your partner does, and soon enough, you won’t be able to contain your reaction anymore, and you will will over-react in a way that makes no sense at all to your partner!

To avoid this kind of problem, it really helps to develop a relationship practice of Sharing Withholds. This is a highly conscious process that requires you to step through your fear and into your courage, in order to share with your partner what is going on for you. The process in NOT about shaming or blaming your partner for whatever s/he did, nor is it about trying to get him/her to change in any way. Rather, it is about honestly and vulnerably sharing your own reaction—using Self-Responsible First Person Communication. It goes like this:

  1. Connect to your inner compassion and unconditional love, and approach your partner. Say something like this: Partner, I have a withhold I’d like to share with you. Are you willing to hear it? If your partner says yes, then continue with the process; otherwise, ask for a time when s/he’d be willing to hear what you have to say and come back later.
  2. Continue with your own share: Thank you for being available for this. When you did <describe the behavior without judgment>, I found myself feeling triggered. I felt <describe what you were feeling> and I noticed that I began reacting internally the way I reacted as a child whenever <describe the childhood situation that caused you pain>. I know you are not my <parent/guardian/whoever may have caused this pain>, and I do not want to create distance from you. I just wanted to share this with you so that you understand what’s going on for me.
  3. Pause to allow your partner to digest what you have shared. Your partner should simply say, Thank you for sharing this with me. Would you like me to respond to your share?
  4. You can say yes or no, whatever seems true for you in the moment. This may or may not lead to further discussion with your partner.
  5. Close the process with a shared hug, as appropriate in your relationship.

If you and your partner practice this kind of sharing on a regular basis, you will find your relationship growing stronger by the day.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).