Temp Card Reading - LaunchMoxie

What Is Your Ideal Lifestyle…

Discover What Is and What is To Be on Your Journey of Life…

Click the two cards below to see what Present and Future you have drawn. Then click again to get the description and recommendations for your specific situation. Watch for follow-up emails with even more information to guide you…

Be sure to write down the names of your two cards, so you can access additional information later.

Passive Income Lifestyle
This card will tell you how things are now…

Destiny Point

Purpose

Overview

Everyone has a reason for being here in the physical world. The problem is that many of us aren’t really aware of our true Purpose. Instead, we follow our inner desires and passions (which are often influenced by ego-minds that want us to show up so as to conform to the expectations of the world), and end up in places and situations that we didn’t really have in mind. This is because we were following a default purpose instead of a true spiritual purpose.

In Destiny Point, we dive deep into the concept of Purpose and discover ways to know with conviction why we are really here. Then we take our understanding and apply it to all of our choices, agreements, and commitments going forward.

Situation

Recently, you have been experiencing a kind of aimlessness or pointlessness in your life. You have been questioning yourself and wondering why you are doing a lot of the things you are doing. You are likely noticing thoughts like the following in your mind:

What is the point of this job | relationship | life | etc.?
Nothing about my life makes any sense right now.
I can’t figure out which way I’m supposed to go!

Depending on the frequency and intensity of these thoughts and stories, you may be feeling some hopelessness or despair, or possibly even some mild depression. Your condition may well be related to a disconnection from your Purpose for being.

Recommendation

Having a powerful connection to your Purpose can do wonders for improving your outlook on life. Your Purpose serves as a type of internal navigation system that can guide you in every area of your life; as such, it gives you a way to focus your energy and ensure that everything you think, say, do or feel is aligned in the best direction for your life. Being disconnected from your Purpose is much like turning off your internal navigation system. You end up driving blind, so to speak, which makes it very hard to get where you want to go. In truth, your internal navigation system is never really off-line; you may just be in a situation where you are not paying attention to it.

Reconnecting to your Purpose can be pretty straight-forward.

Bring awareness to your situation—awareness of what is going on around you and within you. Notice, in particular, all the ways that your behavior is out of alignment with your Purpose.
Notice whether you have deviated from your Purpose because of any external factors. Are you allowing yourself to be lured away by other things that may seem more interesting? Are you perhaps being manipulated by an unconscious desire to do things that others want you to do, even though you know they aren’t necessarily right for you? Have you perhaps forgotten your Purpose altogether?
Whatever you discover, be gentle with yourself, and honor yourself for having the courage to be honest with yourself.
To reconnect to your Purpose, you can do this short visualization. In a seated position with your eyes closed, allow yourself to breathe slowly and gently. As you become more relaxed, see yourself sitting at the top of a hill that allows you to see in all directions. Imagine that the world below you is exactly like the world of your deepest heart’s desire. See the people below interacting with one another in a way that supports your vision of the ideal world. See that everyone’s needs are all met, and that your world is in total harmony. Now, ask yourself this question: What part to I play in creating this world of my dreams? How do I show up to make it a reality? Allow the answers to bubble up into your awareness, knowing that they are written indelibly in your memory. Allow yourself to come back to the present moment.
Take some time to journal your experience. Write down the words that describe the world of your dreams. These will typically be inspirational adjectives, and you may have many of them. Then write down all the things you saw yourself doing (action words) to bring that world into reality.

The combination of vision and action that you harvest from your visualization is the core of your Purpose for being. Write it down, anchor it into your body, and bring it consciously into your daily life. Let it inform everything you think, say, do or feel from this moment onward.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Easy Do-It-Yourself
This card will tell you how things are now…

Dark Forest

Shadow

Overview

Each of us has parts or aspects of ourselves that we try to keep hidden from the rest of the world. We do this—consciously or unconsciously—because we have a negative belief about those parts: they are somehow unacceptable, inappropriate, bad or wrong. And what’s worse, because these parts exist within our overall makeup, we inadvertently come to believe that we are somehow defective or broken.

As we learn in Dark Forest, the truth is that our Shadows are actually very powerful aspects of ourselves, and if we simply take the time to meet, engage, understand and eventually embrace them, we will have a much deeper and more intimate knowing of who we really are. And this has only positive implications for the kinds of lives we are destined to live.

Situation

There is something on your horizon that you really want. It could be something that you want to obtain, or something that you want to achieve. You feel a powerful kind of hunger within you to be in a space where you actually have this, whatever it is. The problem is, you also notice that there is a part of you that is holding you back in some way. The reluctance may be manifesting as a cold, tight feeling in your gut, or it may be showing up as a voice in your head that is making your desire look very dangerous—or it may be a combination of these things.

You have an unconscious belief that to achieve or obtain the thing you want will somehow end up causing you pain, so a Shadow within you is activated by that belief and is trying to hold you back from getting hurt.

Recommendation

Congratulations! You have become aware of one of your Shadows. It is probably not immediately obvious what this part of you is attempting to create with its actions; however, most of the time, when you get down to the deepest truth of the Shadow, it almost always seeks to create one of the four core states:

Being — characterized by words like presence, fullness, wholeness, and sovereignty.
Serenity — characterized by words like inner peace, calmness, contentedness, and safety.
Love — characterized by words like freedom, acceptance, honesty, and unconditional love.
Oneness — characterized by words like inclusion, belonging, family, and relationship.

If you want to find out what your Shadow is trying to accomplish, perform the steps of a simple “shadow interview”:

Bring your full attention to the part of you that is holding you back from getting what you want. Imagine this part as another person sitting across from you. Let this part know that you simply want to get to know him/her better and understand his/her perspective.
Find out what this part likes to be called, so you can address him/her properly. Sometimes the response to this question will be a name (could be your nick-name as a child), or it could be a role, such as “protector” or “guard dog” or some other role. Whatever name is offered, make sure to use that name for all subsequent questions.
Ask the part how long s/he has been around. Thank you for being here, <part’s name>. Can you tell me how long you have been present in <your own name>’s life? (Remember, you are trying to get information from the other part here, so during the interview you want to refer to yourself in the 3^rd person.)
Ask open-ended questions to get as much detail as you can from <part’s name> that help you to understand his/her motivation.
As you uncover more and more information, you will probably learn that this part experienced some kind of pain in your early life when trying to go after what s/he wanted. As a result of this experience, s/he may have adopted a coping strategy that kept him/her safe as a child. However, this strategy is no longer working, so you as the adult now have the opportunity to provide support to the immature part of yourself that is still using this now-dysfunctional approach.
Make sure to express deep gratitude to <part’s name> for trying to keep YOU safe, and for working so hard to bring Being, Serenity, Love, or Oneness into your life.
Point out that, as an adult, you now have powers and capabilities that you didn’t have as a child, and that you know that the current situation is something that you can handle. Let <part’s name> know that you are choosing to go ahead and go after what you want, and that you are prepared to deal with any risks that might show up.
Let <part’s name> know that you really appreciate the fact that s/he is looking out for your, and welcome any additional warnings that might come your way so that you can keep the dialog open.

This process is a very powerful way to bring awareness to one of your Shadow behaviors, and to convert that Shadow from a covert saboteur into an agent that can actually help you in your future endeavors.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Easy Do-It-For-You…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Karma Crossroads

Choice

Overview

One thing that we all have available to us in every moment is Choice. It may not always seem that way, though.

Sometimes, some of the alternatives available to us may be completely unacceptable for any number of reasons, so it may seem that there is only one viable option, even if that last remaining option is distasteful—in which case, it is usually the least of all evils. When this happens, we may think that we really have no choice at all—or that we are forced into something we didn’t really want.

In other circumstances, we may be making our choices unconsciously. In this case, we may be operating on “auto-pilot”, making decisions without even being aware. The problem here is that, when we aren’t aware of our choices, then we are certainly not aware of their impact, and we may not realize how our actions are affecting the world around us.

In Karma Crossroads, we look at the concept of Choice in a new way, and we learn how to make our choices both consciously and responsibly.

Situation

New circumstances are approaching which will require you to make some potentially life-changing decisions. Your past tendency to put decisions of this type off until they “resolve themselves” may have worked to some degree for you in the past, but that approach is not going to work for you this time. If you apply that strategy in this case, the unintended consequences could create a lot of chaos—not to mention unpleasantness, pain and/or suffering—in your life.

Recommendation

Even a decision to do nothing is a choice—and it may be exactly the right choice for you under certain circumstances. But be clear: doing nothing is simply one of your available options. As long as you have examined all the options and evaluated their possible outcomes, then you are making that choice consciously—which is really the most important thing for you.

In order to prepare for whatever might be coming your way, you would be well advised to practice making all your choices as consciously as possible. The more important the situation, the more important the choice process. For every situation that shows up in your life, practice the following:

Examine and enumerate all the relevant options that are available. Write a list and make sure you haven’t missed anything.
For each option you have noted, write down all the relevant pros and cons you can think of. Include as much detail as you can for each one.
Run through the option list again, and this time, for each option, rate your level of enthusiasm on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is “not so crazy about it”, and 10 is “can’t wait to get started.”
For each of the most highly rated options (i.e. the ones you rated at 6 or higher), make a list of all the possible consequences that might come to pass if you make that choice. Notice whether you would be willing to take responsibility for that consequence or not.

When you have completed this process, you will have a very good idea which option is likely to produce the most desirable outcome—and whose unintended consequences you’d be most willing to accept. In this way, you are much better equipped to make a conscious, well-informed choice for which you’d be willing to take full responsibility.

This may seem like a lot to do for every choice that comes your way, so use it only for choices that feel really important to you. Also, the more you practice this process, the more efficient you will become, and soon the process will become for you more like a powerful meditation than a chore.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Assetizing…
This card will tell you how things are now…

Nama Station

Forgiveness

Overview

When we are caught up in the dramas of our ego-minds, it is easy for us to fall into the habit of playing the BS Game—that is, the “Blame-Shame Game”. When someone else does something that causes us discomfort, upset or pain, we put ourselves into the role of victim and the other person into the role of perpetrator. In this way, we give all our power away to the perpetrator—who may not even be aware of the fact that s/he has done something “wrong”. In allowing ourselves to slip into this finger-pointing pattern, we often end up creating even more pain and upset for ourselves, while secretly hoping for the other person to suffer.

Nama Station teaches us about the powerful healing capabilities of Forgiveness, a tool whose sole purpose is to give ourselves permission to release ourselves from our own pain and suffering. When we forgive, it really has nothing to do with the so-called perpetrator! It is really all about letting go of something over which we have no control, and—without forgetting or condoning or agreeing with actual bad behavior—releasing ourselves from the prison of our own negative thinking, and reclaiming our power.

Situation

Somebody in your life has said or done something to you that seemed to come from malicious intent, and it has been causing you a lot of internal upset and emotional pain. The event in question happened at some time in the past—perhaps even the distant past—but it continues to haunt you today. The other person has not apologized or taken responsibility for the event, and apparently does not see things the same way you do. Worse, the other person doesn’t seem to recognize or acknowledge the pain that s/he caused you, and this is adding to your ongoing anger and resentment. You find yourself wishing the worst for this person, perhaps even dreaming of violence or retribution.

Whether this situation happened relatively recently or sometime in the more distant past, the fact that you are dwelling on it now is causing you a great deal of discomfort, upset or pain.

Recommendation

First and foremost is Safety. It is assumed in this discussion that you have taken all necessary steps to protect yourself from any potentially dangerous conditions or situations, and that, if appropriate, you have also alerted any law enforcement or other relevant support personnel.

It is important for you to find a way to quiet the voices in your head so that you can return to a grounded, centered state. One of the best ways for you to do this is to Forgive the person who is holding your ego-mind hostage. It may seem like a very difficult task right now, but if you can remember that Forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting someone else’s behavior, or letting him/her off the hook, and that it is really about giving yourself permission to release yourself from the pain you are creating by keeping the situation alive in your mind, then you will find it much easier to find Forgiveness in your heart—and this will quickly bring healing into your life.

When you are in a safe and quiet place, go through the 5 simple steps below:

Understand the wrong-doing. What actually happened? Was it done deliberately, or did it happen by accident? Do you know the perptrator’s real intention or motivation, or is that something you are simply making up as part of your ego-mind story? What were the consequences? Which consequences were the direct result of the perpetrator’s actions, and which ones are the result of your own thinking patterns?
Acknowledge and validate your judgments and feelings. Notice what kinds of thoughts and judgments you have about the perpetrator. Are you attached to “getting even” or finding justice or having your revenge? What do you imagine you might gain by following through on your vengeful thoughts? What are you feeling emotionally about all of this?
Express and release your emotional energy. Allow yourself to fully experience and express the emotional energy associated with this situation. Some of this energy may be locked in place because of previous attempts to “stuff it”, so give yourself permission to feel it all. Allow it to pass through you so that the pain dissipates and eventually disappears.
Own your part in the situation. This is not about making yourself wrong for whatever happened; it’s part of the process for raising awareness about your part of the situation. Did you do something that might have triggered the other person’s behavior? Was there a part of you that derived pleasure from pushing the other person’s buttons? Did you do something after the fact to make matters worse? Could you have done anything to improve, mitigate or resolve the situation?
Re-connect to compassion and unconditional love. After your emotional energy has passed and you have honestly reflected on the whole situation, allow yourself to reconnect naturally and gently to compassion. Find a place of compassion for the other person, who may have been (and may still be) suffering from struggles of his or her own. Find a place of compassion for yourself and whatever struggle you’ve been going through, and release yourself from thoughts of revenge. Give yourself permission to forgive the other person; in the quiet silence of your mind, simply say “I forgive you.” At the same time, give yourself permission to forgive yourself; in your mind imagine that you are speaking to yourself, and say silently “I forgive you.”

You may need to go through this exercise a few times before all of the energy completely dissipates. Remember, the other person does not need to know you are doing this—the exercise is completely for you, and you alone. But do notice how much lighter and more open you feel each time you complete the exercise. Invite and embrace that lightness, and allow it to inform the way you show up going forward.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Automated Modeling
This card will tell you how things are now…

Base Camp

Awareness

Overview

When you are about to set out on a journey, before you can ever hope to know how to get where you want to go, you must first be very clear about where you are right now. In other words, you must make sure you know as much as possible about your current situation, conditions, environment and circumstances.

This is Awareness, the foundational skill of Life Mastery Way. Because it is so important, we learn about it first at our centering and grounding station, what we call Base Camp. Your objective is to bring Awareness into every aspect of your life and, as much as possible, keep it present in every moment. This means being aware of what is going on in your surroundings, and also within you—that is, your emotions, thoughts and sensations.

Situation

Lately, you have been operating much like a sleep-walker. That is, you have slipped into an unconscious behavior pattern; it may seem as if you are flying on auto-pilot. Obviously, you have not done this deliberately, but you are probably experiencing moments where you think things like these:

How did I get here? I don’t remember the last 30 minutes.
I am way off-kilter here; I seem to be bouncing around from one thing to another with no sense of direction.
I am totally confused and disoriented; I need to get back on track.

Recommendation

It is important to stop whatever you are doing, at least until you can bring more Awareness into your current situation. Find a quiet place where you can sit and relax. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and bring awareness to all aspects of your situation.

External Inventory

Take stock of everything around you, and bring your focus to as many details as possible. Notice the shapes and colors of all objects around you. Notice the temperature of the room or the space. If you are outdoors, take not of the details of the weather conditions. Are there people or animals around, or are you alone? What kind of objects are around you? Just notice as much as you can without making up any story or drawing any judgments or conclusions about any of it.

Internal Inventory

Now bring your attention to your body. Notice any physical sensations that you might be feeling: cold/hot, relaxed/tense, hungry, clammy, shivery, etc. Again, avoid any judgment or interpretation; just take stock.

Next, notice the emotions that you are feeling. Try to limit your words to one of the four primary emotions: sadness, fear, anger, or joy. Is it a strong or weak emotion at this time? How long have you been feeling this emotion? Again, no judgment; just observation.

Finally, bring your attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are your thoughts related to a common theme? Do you notice a judgmental or interpretational quality to your thoughts? How long have these thoughts been present in your mind?

Introspection

Now that you have elevated your awareness about your current internal and external state, take a few moments to see if you can peek under the covers and find out more about how you came to be in this state. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself—remember not to judge yourself for your current state:

How did I attract my current situation into my life?
What is the purpose for my current behavior?
In what ways are my thoughts, words, actions and emotions aligned with my purpose?
In what ways are they out of alignment?
Do I wish to change this situation? If so, what new choice will I make?

Final Steps

Once you are complete with this process, take some time to honor yourself for having had sufficient
Awareness to know that you were operating unconsciously, and for having the courage to look inside to find out what was really going on. Notice how you are feeling now, and take this new feeling into the next phase of your life.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Cash Pumping In…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Destiny Point

Purpose

Overview

Situation

You will soon be faced with challenging circumstances that will lead you to question the reason for your being. You will find yourself wondering things like:

Why is this happening to me (again)?
How can life be so cruel?
What possible meaning can there be in this?

These thoughts will compound the situation by making it difficult for you to deal with it in anything but a reactive approach. You will find yourself making choices automatically and unconsciously, without considering possible consequences, and this will make the situation even more chaotic.

Recommendation

Recognize and understand that the reaction described above is one that emanates from fear. All of the thoughts listed (and any other similar thoughts you might have) signal your retreat into self-protection mode, which means that you perceive some kind of risk or danger or threat. Indeed, there may be a real danger in the situation that arrives, so the first thing you must do is make sure you are actually safe. And if it turns out there is no real danger, then recognize that your reaction is triggered by an ego-mind that sees something in the situation that corresponds to a difficult or painful situation that happened in your past.

In either case, after the danger—real or imagined—has passed, and you are have regained your composure, proceed to reconnect to the truth of who you really are and why you are here. Remind yourself of your significance in the world by reciting these two affirmations repeatedly until they resonate within your heart and soul:

I am a magnificent, divine, unlimited spiritual being of light and love.
I am blessed with a powerful and sacred purpose, and I am fully aligned with that purpose in every moment.

When you feel the energy of these affirmations taking root within you, reconnect to the specifics of your Purpose, and remember your objective to align all of your thoughts, words, actions and emotions with that sacred purpose.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Awakening
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Nama Station

Forgiveness

Overview

Situation

Someone in your life will do something that directly impacts you in a negative or malicious or painful way. A person with whom you are personally or professionally involved will do something that violates your boundaries in some way or breaks a trust with you. You will find yourself doing a lot of repair work to clean up the damage, so this situation may also result in damage to your name or your reputation.

Recommendation

Knowing that you are on a collision course with an unpleasant and potentially painful interaction with someone can certainly be unnerving. However, worrying about what might or might not happen in the future is not a very productive (or effective) way to prepare for it. As someone on a path to Life Mastery, you are certainly more interested in living your life in the present moment as much as possible.

So how can you prepare for this kind of event in your life? In a word, Pre-Forgiveness. That’s right, forgiveness in advance. It may sound a little strange, but it is a powerful tool that you can engage any time you find yourself worrying about something that someone in your life might do. Here’s how it works:

Imagine that you are in the future and the event has already happened, bringing with it whatever discomfort, unpleasantness, or pain it might have contained. Imagine that you have already experienced your reaction or response to the situation and that you understand this person was doing something out of his/her own fear or pain and wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you.
Notice how you feel about all that has happened. Just be with the feelings that show up within you and allow them to pass through you.
Notice any judgments you may have about the other person, and allow them to pass as well.
Tap into your own powerful sense of compassion, recognize that you too have done things like this that caused pain for others, and begin to feel unconditional love flowing from your heart to the heart of the other person.
Say the words out loud: “I forgive you”. See yourself offering this gift of forgiveness to the other person, without condition, without expectation of any particular result.

Bring yourself back to the present moment, and notice how you feel now, having actively forgiven this person. Realize that you completed this process without even knowing for sure who the other person might be. There is great power in this Pre-Forgiveness process and you can use it anytime, anywhere. Let this be an ongoing practice for you on your continuing path to Life Mastery.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Igniting…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Garden of Mercy

Compassion

Overview

It is pretty obvious that there is a lot of suffering in the world around us. And only the coldest of people would fail to feel empathy for this suffering, or to desire to find a way—no matter how small—to relieve it, or better yet, to eradicate it altogether. This internal drive to soothe or eliminate obvious suffering is what most of us recognize as Compassion, the key skill taught in Garden of Mercy. Compassion is a powerful force that, according to the Dalai Lama, is actually a primary pathway to happiness.

Ironically, while most of us have no difficulty experiencing or expressing compassion for others, all too often we have difficulty cultivating any level of compassion for ourselves and our own suffering. This is the main focus of the teaching of Garden of Mercy.

Situation

You will soon encounter circumstances involving a loved one that will challenge your natural ability to maintain your compassionate center. The loved one in question will be embroiled in circumstances of his/her own creation, resulting from some ill-considered or unconscious choices. If you allow yourself to go into reaction mode, you will find yourself berating your loved one, and making matters worse as a result of your own upset. You may also find yourself resorting to blaming or shaming statements, and telling your loved one things like “I told you so” or “You should have known better”.

Recommendation

Sometimes our loved ones do things that get them into trouble. This can be particularly difficult if the loved ones in question are children, in which case your role as a caring parent comes into play and you feel compelled to step in and help out—especially if your child is experiencing a lot of pain or suffering as a result of his/her choice. If the loved one happens to be an adult child, then things get complicated, because now you have to balance your desire to relieve suffering with the child’s need to experience the full impact of his/her choice. Of course, if the loved one in question is not one of your children, then your response will vary accordingly.

When a loved one gets into a challenging situation of his/her own creation, and it has a direct (negative) impact on you personally, you may find it difficult to remain grounded and compassionate. One of the first things you can do in this case to help remain grounded is to remember that, at one time or another in your life, you may have made a similar choice—a choice that caused problems for a lot of people you cared about. In other words, take a moment to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.

Remember your own situation, and the pain and suffering you caused as a result of your choice. Remember how that felt. You probably experienced some guilt or shame about it, and you probably deeply regretted what you had done, but in the face of the impact you created, people around you may not have wanted to hear about that; perhaps their reaction was less than compassionate, and it may have seemed as if they wanted you to suffer even more.

Now consider your loved one. As a result of his/her choice, s/he may be going through a very similar experience as you did, so you can empathize with this person, and you can approach him/her from a place of loving compassion. You can commiserate; you can share a little about your own experience; you can listen to understand more about the choice that was made. And when that is all done, you can help the other person find ways to make reparations.

Remember, we are all here on this physical plane to express and experience the truth of who we really are. In doing that, we sometimes make choices that cause pain for others. Whenever that happens, we must remember to treat ourselves with compassion and to forgive ourselves whenever necessary. And we must be willing to take responsibility for our choices, and make amends if appropriate.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).

Focusing…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…

Ayuwi Circle

Relationship

Overview

Imagine a world in which you are completely alone. No other people. No animals or plants. No other life of any kind. And no inanimate objects of any kind, either. Sounds pretty desolate, to be sure. And yet, if you think about it for a moment, you might ask yourself this question: in the absence of all these things, how would you know who YOU really are?

It is a perplexing question, one well worth considering, for it brings us all face-to-face with a head-slapping realization: that we need all those other things (people, animals, inanimate objects, and so on) in our lives so that we can relate to them. And by relating to all those entities, we get to experience ourselves for who we really are.

That is what Ayuwi Circle teaches us: that Relationship is the single most powerful tool available to us in the physical realm for fully expressing and experiencing who we really are. In other words, relationships—all relationships—are sacred!

Situation

You are headed for troubled waters in one of your closest relationships. The other person will engage in a seemingly trivial behavior that will trigger a reaction within you. However, in the interest of “keeping the peace”, you will minimize the event and decide not mention it. In the following days or weeks, the other person will engage in other “trivial” behaviors that you will also minimize and stay silent about. Eventually, the build up of energy from your silent reactions will reach a breaking point, and you will react in a much more emotional, possibly even explosive, way.

Recommendation

The scenario described above is not uncommon, especially in close or intimate relationships. The problem is, we value our primary relationships and we want them to go well, so we may find ourselves choosing not to mention these so-called “trivial” problems because we believe that we’ll be seen as petty or nagging.

Unfortunately, if you withhold the truth about the internal reaction you are experiencing because of something your partner does, you are inadvertently creating a barrier to closer communication with him/her. It may be a very small barrier at first, and your partner may not even notice. But when the next trigger or “ouch” occurs and you again choose to remain silent, then you are effectively adding another “brick” in the wall between you and your partner. As more and more “bricks” are added, you become more and more sensitive to the things that your partner does, and soon enough, you won’t be able to contain your reaction anymore, and you will will over-react in a way that makes no sense at all to your partner!

To avoid this kind of problem, it really helps to develop a relationship practice of Sharing Withholds. This is a highly conscious process that requires you to step through your fear and into your courage, in order to share with your partner what is going on for you. The process in NOT about shaming or blaming your partner for whatever s/he did, nor is it about trying to get him/her to change in any way. Rather, it is about honestly and vulnerably sharing your own reaction—using Self-Responsible First Person Communication. It goes like this:

Connect to your inner compassion and unconditional love, and approach your partner. Say something like this: Partner, I have a withhold I’d like to share with you. Are you willing to hear it? If your partner says yes, then continue with the process; otherwise, ask for a time when s/he’d be willing to hear what you have to say and come back later.
Continue with your own share: Thank you for being available for this. When you did <describe the behavior without judgment>, I found myself feeling triggered. I felt <describe what you were feeling> and I noticed that I began reacting internally the way I reacted as a child whenever <describe the childhood situation that caused you pain>. I know you are not my <parent/guardian/whoever may have caused this pain>, and I do not want to create distance from you. I just wanted to share this with you so that you understand what’s going on for me.
Pause to allow your partner to digest what you have shared. Your partner should simply say, Thank you for sharing this with me. Would you like me to respond to your share?
You can say yes or no, whatever seems true for you in the moment. This may or may not lead to further discussion with your partner.
Close the process with a shared hug, as appropriate in your relationship.

If you and your partner practice this kind of sharing on a regular basis, you will find your relationship growing stronger by the day.

For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).