What Is Your Ideal Lifestyle…
Discover What Is and What is To Be on Your Journey of Life…
Click the two cards below to see what Present and Future you have drawn. Then click again to get the description and recommendations for your specific situation. Watch for follow-up emails with even more information to guide you…
Be sure to write down the names of your two cards, so you can access additional information later.
Passive Income Lifestyle
This card will tell you how things are now…
Nama Station
Forgiveness
Overview
When we are caught up in the dramas of our ego-minds, it is easy for us to fall into the habit of playing the BS Game—that is, the “Blame-Shame Game”. When someone else does something that causes us discomfort, upset or pain, we put ourselves into the role of victim and the other person into the role of perpetrator. In this way, we give all our power away to the perpetrator—who may not even be aware of the fact that s/he has done something “wrong”. In allowing ourselves to slip into this finger-pointing pattern, we often end up creating even more pain and upset for ourselves, while secretly hoping for the other person to suffer.
Nama Station teaches us about the powerful healing capabilities of Forgiveness, a tool whose sole purpose is to give ourselves permission to release ourselves from our own pain and suffering. When we forgive, it really has nothing to do with the so-called perpetrator! It is really all about letting go of something over which we have no control, and—without forgetting or condoning or agreeing with actual bad behavior—releasing ourselves from the prison of our own negative thinking, and reclaiming our power.
Situation
Somebody in your life has said or done something to you that seemed to come from malicious intent, and it has been causing you a lot of internal upset and emotional pain. The event in question happened at some time in the past—perhaps even the distant past—but it continues to haunt you today. The other person has not apologized or taken responsibility for the event, and apparently does not see things the same way you do. Worse, the other person doesn’t seem to recognize or acknowledge the pain that s/he caused you, and this is adding to your ongoing anger and resentment. You find yourself wishing the worst for this person, perhaps even dreaming of violence or retribution.
Whether this situation happened relatively recently or sometime in the more distant past, the fact that you are dwelling on it now is causing you a great deal of discomfort, upset or pain.
Recommendation
First and foremost is Safety. It is assumed in this discussion that you have taken all necessary steps to protect yourself from any potentially dangerous conditions or situations, and that, if appropriate, you have also alerted any law enforcement or other relevant support personnel.
It is important for you to find a way to quiet the voices in your head so that you can return to a grounded, centered state. One of the best ways for you to do this is to Forgive the person who is holding your ego-mind hostage. It may seem like a very difficult task right now, but if you can remember that Forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting someone else’s behavior, or letting him/her off the hook, and that it is really about giving yourself permission to release yourself from the pain you are creating by keeping the situation alive in your mind, then you will find it much easier to find Forgiveness in your heart—and this will quickly bring healing into your life.
When you are in a safe and quiet place, go through the 5 simple steps below:
- Understand the wrong-doing. What actually happened? Was it done deliberately, or did it happen by accident? Do you know the perptrator’s real intention or motivation, or is that something you are simply making up as part of your ego-mind story? What were the consequences? Which consequences were the direct result of the perpetrator’s actions, and which ones are the result of your own thinking patterns?
- Acknowledge and validate your judgments and feelings. Notice what kinds of thoughts and judgments you have about the perpetrator. Are you attached to “getting even” or finding justice or having your revenge? What do you imagine you might gain by following through on your vengeful thoughts? What are you feeling emotionally about all of this?
- Express and release your emotional energy. Allow yourself to fully experience and express the emotional energy associated with this situation. Some of this energy may be locked in place because of previous attempts to “stuff it”, so give yourself permission to feel it all. Allow it to pass through you so that the pain dissipates and eventually disappears.
- Own your part in the situation. This is not about making yourself wrong for whatever happened; it’s part of the process for raising awareness about your part of the situation. Did you do something that might have triggered the other person’s behavior? Was there a part of you that derived pleasure from pushing the other person’s buttons? Did you do something after the fact to make matters worse? Could you have done anything to improve, mitigate or resolve the situation?
- Re-connect to compassion and unconditional love. After your emotional energy has passed and you have honestly reflected on the whole situation, allow yourself to reconnect naturally and gently to compassion. Find a place of compassion for the other person, who may have been (and may still be) suffering from struggles of his or her own. Find a place of compassion for yourself and whatever struggle you’ve been going through, and release yourself from thoughts of revenge. Give yourself permission to forgive the other person; in the quiet silence of your mind, simply say “I forgive you.” At the same time, give yourself permission to forgive yourself; in your mind imagine that you are speaking to yourself, and say silently “I forgive you.”
You may need to go through this exercise a few times before all of the energy completely dissipates. Remember, the other person does not need to know you are doing this—the exercise is completely for you, and you alone. But do notice how much lighter and more open you feel each time you complete the exercise. Invite and embrace that lightness, and allow it to inform the way you show up going forward.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Easy Do-It-Yourself
This card will tell you how things are now…
Nama Station
Forgiveness
Overview
When we are caught up in the dramas of our ego-minds, it is easy for us to fall into the habit of playing the BS Game—that is, the “Blame-Shame Game”. When someone else does something that causes us discomfort, upset or pain, we put ourselves into the role of victim and the other person into the role of perpetrator. In this way, we give all our power away to the perpetrator—who may not even be aware of the fact that s/he has done something “wrong”. In allowing ourselves to slip into this finger-pointing pattern, we often end up creating even more pain and upset for ourselves, while secretly hoping for the other person to suffer.
Nama Station teaches us about the powerful healing capabilities of Forgiveness, a tool whose sole purpose is to give ourselves permission to release ourselves from our own pain and suffering. When we forgive, it really has nothing to do with the so-called perpetrator! It is really all about letting go of something over which we have no control, and—without forgetting or condoning or agreeing with actual bad behavior—releasing ourselves from the prison of our own negative thinking, and reclaiming our power.
Situation
Somebody in your life has said or done something to you that seemed to come from malicious intent, and it has been causing you a lot of internal upset and emotional pain. The event in question happened at some time in the past—perhaps even the distant past—but it continues to haunt you today. The other person has not apologized or taken responsibility for the event, and apparently does not see things the same way you do. Worse, the other person doesn’t seem to recognize or acknowledge the pain that s/he caused you, and this is adding to your ongoing anger and resentment. You find yourself wishing the worst for this person, perhaps even dreaming of violence or retribution.
Whether this situation happened relatively recently or sometime in the more distant past, the fact that you are dwelling on it now is causing you a great deal of discomfort, upset or pain.
Recommendation
First and foremost is Safety. It is assumed in this discussion that you have taken all necessary steps to protect yourself from any potentially dangerous conditions or situations, and that, if appropriate, you have also alerted any law enforcement or other relevant support personnel.
It is important for you to find a way to quiet the voices in your head so that you can return to a grounded, centered state. One of the best ways for you to do this is to Forgive the person who is holding your ego-mind hostage. It may seem like a very difficult task right now, but if you can remember that Forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting someone else’s behavior, or letting him/her off the hook, and that it is really about giving yourself permission to release yourself from the pain you are creating by keeping the situation alive in your mind, then you will find it much easier to find Forgiveness in your heart—and this will quickly bring healing into your life.
When you are in a safe and quiet place, go through the 5 simple steps below:
- Understand the wrong-doing. What actually happened? Was it done deliberately, or did it happen by accident? Do you know the perptrator’s real intention or motivation, or is that something you are simply making up as part of your ego-mind story? What were the consequences? Which consequences were the direct result of the perpetrator’s actions, and which ones are the result of your own thinking patterns?
- Acknowledge and validate your judgments and feelings. Notice what kinds of thoughts and judgments you have about the perpetrator. Are you attached to “getting even” or finding justice or having your revenge? What do you imagine you might gain by following through on your vengeful thoughts? What are you feeling emotionally about all of this?
- Express and release your emotional energy. Allow yourself to fully experience and express the emotional energy associated with this situation. Some of this energy may be locked in place because of previous attempts to “stuff it”, so give yourself permission to feel it all. Allow it to pass through you so that the pain dissipates and eventually disappears.
- Own your part in the situation. This is not about making yourself wrong for whatever happened; it’s part of the process for raising awareness about your part of the situation. Did you do something that might have triggered the other person’s behavior? Was there a part of you that derived pleasure from pushing the other person’s buttons? Did you do something after the fact to make matters worse? Could you have done anything to improve, mitigate or resolve the situation?
- Re-connect to compassion and unconditional love. After your emotional energy has passed and you have honestly reflected on the whole situation, allow yourself to reconnect naturally and gently to compassion. Find a place of compassion for the other person, who may have been (and may still be) suffering from struggles of his or her own. Find a place of compassion for yourself and whatever struggle you’ve been going through, and release yourself from thoughts of revenge. Give yourself permission to forgive the other person; in the quiet silence of your mind, simply say “I forgive you.” At the same time, give yourself permission to forgive yourself; in your mind imagine that you are speaking to yourself, and say silently “I forgive you.”
You may need to go through this exercise a few times before all of the energy completely dissipates. Remember, the other person does not need to know you are doing this—the exercise is completely for you, and you alone. But do notice how much lighter and more open you feel each time you complete the exercise. Invite and embrace that lightness, and allow it to inform the way you show up going forward.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Easy Do-It-For-You…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Sacred Mirror Falls
Identity
Overview
People everywhere experience societal pressure to conform to what others expect of them. We are drilled from a very early age to be nice, to fit in, to put others’ needs ahead of our own, and so on. We are told not to rock the boat, not to make waves. And if by chance we fail to abide by all these rules, then we run the risk of losing someone’s disapproval, or maybe being shunned, or even worse.
Unfortunately, in order to meet the demands of these rules and regulations, we often end up disowning ourselves. We put on masks and costumes in order to appear publicly the way we believe others want to see us. In doing so, our true selves get lost, and we often end up feeling unhappy, disillusioned, depressed or angry.
In Sacred Mirror Falls, you are taken into a deep exploration of Identity—that is, the essence and meaning of who you really are—and how you can maintain your sovereignty and uniqueness while still honoring the protocols that society puts in place.
Situation
You have been going about your business in your usual way, being nice to others, trying to accommodate everyone’s needs, and making sure you don’t make waves. However, you will soon be placed in a situation that will require you to choose between being nice and being real. You will not be able to avoid confrontation or conflict in this situation; you will be faced with the realization that your desire for “smooth sailing” may require you to manhandle your “boat” in ways you have never done before.
Recommendation
If you think of yourself as a “people pleaser”, as someone who defers to almost everyone else in your life, then you may be disowning your sovereignty as a Human Being without realizing it; however, the pain of disowning yourself may be showing up in subtle ways in your life. The time has come for you to reclaim the truth of who you really are, rather than who you think you are, and this will require you to stand in the truth of your own power—even if someone else feels uncomfortable because of it.
The truth is, you have no control over how other people feel or how they react, no matter how much you may believe this. You may have inadvertently deluded yourself into believing that your being nice keeps the peace and makes other people happy. But that’s just an illusion. You cannot make everyone like you, no matter how hard you try; the most you can do is love yourself, and allow that love to flow into the world unconditionally.
You must practice standing your own ground. This does not mean getting into confrontations with people for no reason; it simply means being true to yourself, without compromise, and without apology. You don’t have to be mean about this; you can still maintain a high level of compassion for others and retain your pleasant demeanor. However, when you are faced with a situation that may lead to conflict because someone doesn’t agree with you, you can hold your ground simply by listening to what the other person says—with a desire to deepen your understanding of his/her position. You may find common ground in that understanding—in which case you will likely avoid conflict altogether—but even if you don’t, you can still stand by your own convictions from a place of compassion.
Never compromise the truth of who you are in order to please someone else. The cost to you is much too high.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Assetizing…
This card will tell you how things are now…
Garden of Mercy
Compassion
Overview
It is pretty obvious that there is a lot of suffering in the world around us. And only the coldest of people would fail to feel empathy for this suffering, or to desire to find a way—no matter how small—to relieve it, or better yet, to eradicate it altogether. This internal drive to soothe or eliminate obvious suffering is what most of us recognize as Compassion, the key skill taught in Garden of Mercy. Compassion is a powerful force that, according to the Dalai Lama, is actually a primary pathway to happiness.
Ironically, while most of us have no difficulty experiencing or expressing compassion for others, all too often we have difficulty cultivating any level of compassion for ourselves and our own suffering. This is the main focus of the teaching of Garden of Mercy.
Situation
You have been struggling with something in your life lately, and it’s making you a little crazy! Normally, when you see someone else struggling, you don’t seem to have any problem feeling compassion for him or her. But when you find yourself struggling, it’s a different story, isn’t it? You aren’t very kind to yourself, are you? In fact, you tend to berate yourself—beat yourself up, so to speak—in a manner which generates more internal pain and makes your suffering that much more intense. And that is the real challenge you are facing at present.
Recommendation
First and foremost, it’s important to be gentle with yourself, no matter what is going on in your life. But right now in particular, reconnecting to your Compassion will help ease the pain and suffering of your current situation, and will help you to unblock yourself from the solutions that will facilitate your way through your struggle.
Begin by feeling some gratitude for the fact that you have become aware of this issue. Even though you may be feeling emotional pain about your situation, if you can allow a little bit of gratitude to come into your heart, you will immediately begin opening the door to your Compassion. So, say out loud “Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention. Now that I am more fully are, I choose to begin bringing healing energy to my circumstances.” Empowering intentional statements like these have an amazing ability to invoke the entire loving machinery of the universe, so take advantage of that and watch how quickly you find resolution.
Sit quietly now, and imagine that your Suffering Self is a little child sitting right before you. You know this child better than anyone, so you know exactly what the child is feeling and experiencing. Invite the energy of the Ideal Parent into your own awareness, and allow your inner knowing of what it means to be an Ideal Parent to bring unconditional love to the child. Speak to the child the way you would want to have been addressed when you were little. Say the things that you know this child really needs to hear. Let him/her know that you are here to be fully supportive—without judgment or condition or restriction. Just listen to what the child has to say, and ask questions to help you understand exactly what is up for the child. As the child continues speaking, open your heart and your arms to welcome the child into your lap. Whatever the child is feeling, simply allow those feelings to come out on their own, and welcome them with as much love as you can.
After a while, the child’s pain will subside, and you can then address the subject of the life challenge that brought up all the pain in the first place. Find out what you can do as the Ideal Parent to help the child resolve the issue. Trust that a solution will appear in your awareness. Discuss your ideas with the child, until you come to a mutual understanding for the best approach that you can take together.
Before you release the child, remind him/her that you are always here to provide support, and that anything that s/he is feeling is perfectly okay, even if it feels painful. Express love and gratitude for the willingness of the child to open up to you. Express love and gratitude that you have reconnected to your own Compassion for yourself, and that you have found a way to move forward with your challenge.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Automated Modeling
This card will tell you how things are now…
Peaceful Heart Meadow
Acceptance
Overview
Our ego-minds spend a great deal of time trying to keep us safe—sometimes in ways that, on close inspection, may seem quite dysfunctional. We often find ourselves trying to make sense of our circumstances by putting our own spin on things—that is, we analyze, explain, justify, or interpret our situations without really making any effort to accept them as they are. In other words, we unconsciously tend to reject what is in favor of our own story or thinking about what is.
In Peaceful Heart Meadow, we begin to learn about the first Key Skill: Acceptance. As we become more aware of what is, our first priority is to accept it as it is. That is, we suspend our judgments, conclusions or stories about it, so that we can grok it more clearly for what it really is—rather than for what we think it is.
Acceptance is not about agreeing with anything; it’s not about condoning anything; it’s not about believing in anything. All of those actions—agreeing, condoning, believing—require you to analyze, explain, justify or interpret what is, which puts you back into your ego-mind, and disconnects you from your innate ability to accept. Acceptance is simply about being fully aware of what is and acknowledging it as such—in other words, Acceptance is Awareness without Story. If you get out of your head and into your heart, you engage your natural power to accept what is. Once you have accepted it for what it really is, then and only then can you actually do something about it.
Situation
Something unpleasant, painful or tragic is happening in your life right now, and it has triggered many different reactions within you. In essence, your reactions are just variations of your overall rejection of the situation, and your rejection of what is merely increases your pain and discomfort without in any way changing the situation. Your desire to reject what’s happening may be quite understandable, because the situation itself is causing you pain and distress. Perhaps you are having thoughts like these:
- This situation is completely unacceptable; I have to find a way to make it go away.
- This can’t be happening to me…again!
- If I accept this, then it means that I’m agreeing with it. I simply can’t allow that to happen.
- I don’t like it; I don’t want it; I don’t choose it. I refuse to allow it into my life.
Recommendation
If you’ve ever had a massage, then you probably remember a time when your massage therapist found a place on your body that felt painful to the touch. And when that happened, you probably had an instant reaction to tense your body and protect yourself from the pain. Interestingly, however, if you allowed yourself to consciously relax the muscles and accept the temporary pain of the therapist’s touch, then pretty quickly the pain subsided and the movement of the therapist’s hands actually relieved some deep-rooted tension, and therefore provided some much needed healing.
Think of Acceptance in the same way. Your current situation may be unpleasant or painful, but you can alleviate that pain significantly simply by acknowledging it, relaxing into it and allowing your breath to carry it away.
Find a quiet place where you can follow this simple process to help you return to a place of acceptance:
- Take some deep breaths to ground yourself and bring yourself into the present moment. Bring attention to your emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations. Avoid any judgments, interpretations or conclusions as you do this. Just keep breathing gently and maintain your perspective as an observer.
- When you feel sufficiently present and relaxed, allow your inner observer to take a closer look at the issue that has been triggering resistance. What is it about this issue that agitates you to the point that you want to push it away? Does the issue bring up any self-judgments or stories that challenge your ability to stay present? Again, avoid any judgments as you do this; simply observe the situation and what it brings up for you.
- Bring the energy of compassion and forgiveness to yourself for the way you are reacting to the situation. Imagine that you are wrapping yourself in a big, unconditionally loving hug. Remind yourself that everything about you is perfectly okay—including any reaction or feeling you may have had up to now.
- Take a few more deep breaths, and simply release your energy of resistance. Imagine that you putting all the resistance energy into an expanding balloon; imagine opening a window in your heart and allowing that balloon simply to float off into the distance. Watch it disappear over the horizon, never to come back into your body.
- Take a few more deep breaths, and see yourself accepting your situation exactly as it is. It is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong; it simply is what it is. In your mind’s eye, see yourself examining the situation from all angles, maximizing your awareness of everything it contains.
- Take some time now to honor yourself for bringing yourself back to a place of acceptance.
At this point, you have really completed the exercise. Give yourself some time to let the process anchor within you. After sufficient time has passed, and you believe you have fully accepted the situation for what it is, you will find yourself better equipped to decide exactly what steps you want to take to move forward.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Cash Pumping In…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Peaceful Heart Meadow
Acceptance
Overview
Our ego-minds spend a great deal of time trying to keep us safe—sometimes in ways that, on close inspection, may seem quite dysfunctional. We often find ourselves trying to make sense of our circumstances by putting our own spin on things—that is, we analyze, explain, justify, or interpret our situations without really making any effort to accept them as they are. In other words, we unconsciously tend to reject what is in favor of our own story or thinking about what is.
In Peaceful Heart Meadow, we begin to learn about the first Key Skill: Acceptance. As we become more aware of what is, our first priority is to accept it as it is. That is, we suspend our judgments, conclusions or stories about it, so that we can grok it more clearly for what it really is—rather than for what we think it is.
Acceptance is not about agreeing with anything; it’s not about condoning anything; it’s not about believing in anything. All of those actions—agreeing, condoning, believing—require you to analyze, explain, justify or interpret what is, which puts you back into your ego-mind, and disconnects you from your innate ability to accept. Acceptance is simply about being fully aware of what is and acknowledging it as such—in other words, Acceptance is Awareness without Story. If you get out of your head and into your heart, you engage your natural power to accept what is. Once you have accepted it for what it really is, then and only then can you actually do something about it.
Situation
You are in the center of a confluence of events and circumstances that will lead to a situation you will find intolerable or unacceptable. Your unconscious reaction to this situation will put you in a place of powerful resistance to what is happening, and your resistance will in turn complicate the situation and exacerbate your own discomfort and upset. If you are not careful, this may lead to additional hardship or heartbreak for you.
Recommendation
You may not be able to change or stop whatever circumstances are coming your way, but you can certainly prepare yourself so that you are able to deal with them from a place of calm equanimity. The way to do this is to practice Acceptance for situations that are relatively easy to accept; then, as you gain confidence in your ability, you will find that bringing the same level of Acceptance to more challenging situations will become easier.
For a situation which has not yet come into being, it may be difficult for you to cultivate an accepting attitude in advance. However, you can use the Future Presence process to help you:
- Use your imagination to create a challenging but realistic scenario that has a reasonably high likelihood of coming to pass in your life. Put this scenario somewhere into your future, and imagine that it is something that is certain to happen.
- In your mind travel forward to a time a few days following the event in question, and begin to imagine that you dealt with the situation with complete success, because you were able to fully accept it as it was.
- In your mind, conduct a short interview with your future self. Ask him/her the following questions:
- How did you stay fully present and aware during this difficult time?
- When you found yourself resisting the situation, how did you bring yourself back to a place of Acceptance?
- What difference did your Acceptance make in your handling of the situation?
- What were you thinking as the situation progressed?
- What were you feeling?
- How do you feel now that the situation has passed?
- Take note of all the answers that you get, and bring your new understanding back to the present moment.
Recognize and understand that you have the capability to accept any situation for what it is, no matter how challenging it might appear to be. You can use this new understanding to prepare you more fully for what is yet to come.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Awakening
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Ayuwi Circle
Relationship
Overview
Imagine a world in which you are completely alone. No other people. No animals or plants. No other life of any kind. And no inanimate objects of any kind, either. Sounds pretty desolate, to be sure. And yet, if you think about it for a moment, you might ask yourself this question: in the absence of all these things, how would you know who YOU really are?
It is a perplexing question, one well worth considering, for it brings us all face-to-face with a head-slapping realization: that we need all those other things (people, animals, inanimate objects, and so on) in our lives so that we can relate to them. And by relating to all those entities, we get to experience ourselves for who we really are.
That is what Ayuwi Circle teaches us: that Relationship is the single most powerful tool available to us in the physical realm for fully expressing and experiencing who we really are. In other words, relationships—all relationships—are sacred!
Situation
You are headed for troubled waters in one of your closest relationships. The other person will engage in a seemingly trivial behavior that will trigger a reaction within you. However, in the interest of “keeping the peace”, you will minimize the event and decide not mention it. In the following days or weeks, the other person will engage in other “trivial” behaviors that you will also minimize and stay silent about. Eventually, the build up of energy from your silent reactions will reach a breaking point, and you will react in a much more emotional, possibly even explosive, way.
Recommendation
The scenario described above is not uncommon, especially in close or intimate relationships. The problem is, we value our primary relationships and we want them to go well, so we may find ourselves choosing not to mention these so-called “trivial” problems because we believe that we’ll be seen as petty or nagging.
Unfortunately, if you withhold the truth about the internal reaction you are experiencing because of something your partner does, you are inadvertently creating a barrier to closer communication with him/her. It may be a very small barrier at first, and your partner may not even notice. But when the next trigger or “ouch” occurs and you again choose to remain silent, then you are effectively adding another “brick” in the wall between you and your partner. As more and more “bricks” are added, you become more and more sensitive to the things that your partner does, and soon enough, you won’t be able to contain your reaction anymore, and you will will over-react in a way that makes no sense at all to your partner!
To avoid this kind of problem, it really helps to develop a relationship practice of Sharing Withholds. This is a highly conscious process that requires you to step through your fear and into your courage, in order to share with your partner what is going on for you. The process in NOT about shaming or blaming your partner for whatever s/he did, nor is it about trying to get him/her to change in any way. Rather, it is about honestly and vulnerably sharing your own reaction—using Self-Responsible First Person Communication. It goes like this:
- Connect to your inner compassion and unconditional love, and approach your partner. Say something like this: Partner, I have a withhold I’d like to share with you. Are you willing to hear it? If your partner says yes, then continue with the process; otherwise, ask for a time when s/he’d be willing to hear what you have to say and come back later.
- Continue with your own share: Thank you for being available for this. When you did <describe the behavior without judgment>, I found myself feeling triggered. I felt <describe what you were feeling> and I noticed that I began reacting internally the way I reacted as a child whenever <describe the childhood situation that caused you pain>. I know you are not my <parent/guardian/whoever may have caused this pain>, and I do not want to create distance from you. I just wanted to share this with you so that you understand what’s going on for me.
- Pause to allow your partner to digest what you have shared. Your partner should simply say, Thank you for sharing this with me. Would you like me to respond to your share?
- You can say yes or no, whatever seems true for you in the moment. This may or may not lead to further discussion with your partner.
- Close the process with a shared hug, as appropriate in your relationship.
If you and your partner practice this kind of sharing on a regular basis, you will find your relationship growing stronger by the day.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Igniting…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Ayuwi Circle
Relationship
Overview
Imagine a world in which you are completely alone. No other people. No animals or plants. No other life of any kind. And no inanimate objects of any kind, either. Sounds pretty desolate, to be sure. And yet, if you think about it for a moment, you might ask yourself this question: in the absence of all these things, how would you know who YOU really are?
It is a perplexing question, one well worth considering, for it brings us all face-to-face with a head-slapping realization: that we need all those other things (people, animals, inanimate objects, and so on) in our lives so that we can relate to them. And by relating to all those entities, we get to experience ourselves for who we really are.
That is what Ayuwi Circle teaches us: that Relationship is the single most powerful tool available to us in the physical realm for fully expressing and experiencing who we really are. In other words, relationships—all relationships—are sacred!
Situation
You are headed for troubled waters in one of your closest relationships. The other person will engage in a seemingly trivial behavior that will trigger a reaction within you. However, in the interest of “keeping the peace”, you will minimize the event and decide not mention it. In the following days or weeks, the other person will engage in other “trivial” behaviors that you will also minimize and stay silent about. Eventually, the build up of energy from your silent reactions will reach a breaking point, and you will react in a much more emotional, possibly even explosive, way.
Recommendation
The scenario described above is not uncommon, especially in close or intimate relationships. The problem is, we value our primary relationships and we want them to go well, so we may find ourselves choosing not to mention these so-called “trivial” problems because we believe that we’ll be seen as petty or nagging.
Unfortunately, if you withhold the truth about the internal reaction you are experiencing because of something your partner does, you are inadvertently creating a barrier to closer communication with him/her. It may be a very small barrier at first, and your partner may not even notice. But when the next trigger or “ouch” occurs and you again choose to remain silent, then you are effectively adding another “brick” in the wall between you and your partner. As more and more “bricks” are added, you become more and more sensitive to the things that your partner does, and soon enough, you won’t be able to contain your reaction anymore, and you will will over-react in a way that makes no sense at all to your partner!
To avoid this kind of problem, it really helps to develop a relationship practice of Sharing Withholds. This is a highly conscious process that requires you to step through your fear and into your courage, in order to share with your partner what is going on for you. The process in NOT about shaming or blaming your partner for whatever s/he did, nor is it about trying to get him/her to change in any way. Rather, it is about honestly and vulnerably sharing your own reaction—using Self-Responsible First Person Communication. It goes like this:
- Connect to your inner compassion and unconditional love, and approach your partner. Say something like this: Partner, I have a withhold I’d like to share with you. Are you willing to hear it? If your partner says yes, then continue with the process; otherwise, ask for a time when s/he’d be willing to hear what you have to say and come back later.
- Continue with your own share: Thank you for being available for this. When you did <describe the behavior without judgment>, I found myself feeling triggered. I felt <describe what you were feeling> and I noticed that I began reacting internally the way I reacted as a child whenever <describe the childhood situation that caused you pain>. I know you are not my <parent/guardian/whoever may have caused this pain>, and I do not want to create distance from you. I just wanted to share this with you so that you understand what’s going on for me.
- Pause to allow your partner to digest what you have shared. Your partner should simply say, Thank you for sharing this with me. Would you like me to respond to your share?
- You can say yes or no, whatever seems true for you in the moment. This may or may not lead to further discussion with your partner.
- Close the process with a shared hug, as appropriate in your relationship.
If you and your partner practice this kind of sharing on a regular basis, you will find your relationship growing stronger by the day.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Focusing…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Destiny Point
Purpose
Overview
Everyone has a reason for being here in the physical world. The problem is that many of us aren’t really aware of our true Purpose. Instead, we follow our inner desires and passions (which are often influenced by ego-minds that want us to show up so as to conform to the expectations of the world), and end up in places and situations that we didn’t really have in mind. This is because we were following a default purpose instead of a true spiritual purpose.
In Destiny Point, we dive deep into the concept of Purpose and discover ways to know with conviction why we are really here. Then we take our understanding and apply it to all of our choices, agreements, and commitments going forward.
Situation
You will soon be faced with challenging circumstances that will lead you to question the reason for your being. You will find yourself wondering things like:
- Why is this happening to me (again)?
- How can life be so cruel?
- What possible meaning can there be in this?
These thoughts will compound the situation by making it difficult for you to deal with it in anything but a reactive approach. You will find yourself making choices automatically and unconsciously, without considering possible consequences, and this will make the situation even more chaotic.
Recommendation
Recognize and understand that the reaction described above is one that emanates from fear. All of the thoughts listed (and any other similar thoughts you might have) signal your retreat into self-protection mode, which means that you perceive some kind of risk or danger or threat. Indeed, there may be a real danger in the situation that arrives, so the first thing you must do is make sure you are actually safe. And if it turns out there is no real danger, then recognize that your reaction is triggered by an ego-mind that sees something in the situation that corresponds to a difficult or painful situation that happened in your past.
In either case, after the danger—real or imagined—has passed, and you are have regained your composure, proceed to reconnect to the truth of who you really are and why you are here. Remind yourself of your significance in the world by reciting these two affirmations repeatedly until they resonate within your heart and soul:
- I am a magnificent, divine, unlimited spiritual being of light and love.
- I am blessed with a powerful and sacred purpose, and I am fully aligned with that purpose in every moment.
When you feel the energy of these affirmations taking root within you, reconnect to the specifics of your Purpose, and remember your objective to align all of your thoughts, words, actions and emotions with that sacred purpose.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).