What Is Your Ideal Lifestyle…
Discover What Is and What is To Be on Your Journey of Life…
Click the two cards below to see what Present and Future you have drawn. Then click again to get the description and recommendations for your specific situation. Watch for follow-up emails with even more information to guide you…
Be sure to write down the names of your two cards, so you can access additional information later.
Passive Income Lifestyle
This card will tell you how things are now…
Karma Crossroads
Choice
Overview
One thing that we all have available to us in every moment is Choice. It may not always seem that way, though.
Sometimes, some of the alternatives available to us may be completely unacceptable for any number of reasons, so it may seem that there is only one viable option, even if that last remaining option is distasteful—in which case, it is usually the least of all evils. When this happens, we may think that we really have no choice at all—or that we are forced into something we didn’t really want.
In other circumstances, we may be making our choices unconsciously. In this case, we may be operating on “auto-pilot”, making decisions without even being aware. The problem here is that, when we aren’t aware of our choices, then we are certainly not aware of their impact, and we may not realize how our actions are affecting the world around us.
In Karma Crossroads, we look at the concept of Choice in a new way, and we learn how to make our choices both consciously and responsibly.
Situation
Lately, you have been making a lot of your choices unconsciously, and you are now becoming aware of some of the unintended consequences of those choices. Some of the people around you are beginning to express displeasure or even upset because of your words or actions. Some of them may even be describing pain in their relationship with you. And now, you are beginning to feel internal guilt or shame because of the current situation, and the voice inside your head may be berating you for some of these choices, with words like:
- How could you be so bone-headed as to make a decision like that?
- What on earth were you thinking? You should have known this would happen.
In addition, you are feeling significant emotional pain of your own right now, worrying that you may not be able to make things right.
Recommendation
The first thing you must realize is that you cannot respond to anything anyone is saying to you from a place of knee-jerk reaction. The easiest way to deal with people who are upset with you right now is simply to say to them: I’m sorry to hear that you are upset, and I thank you for your feedback. I am not in a space to respond right now, but I will consider what you’ve said and get back to you later today. Then, find yourself a safe and quiet space where you can do some gentle and loving introspection.
As with all Life Mastery processes, begin by getting yourself into a relaxing position and take some slow deep breaths to help raise your awareness. Notice what is going on around you and within you and allow yourself to observe everything without judgment or interpretation.
As your level of relaxation and awareness increase, do a time scan over the recent past to observe the choices you have made. Pay close attention to the energy you had when you made those choices. Were you under some kind of pressure that led you to choose without putting your full attention and intention into those choices? Or were you simply operating on “auto-pilot”? Whatever the case, simply observe without judgment or interpretation.
As you become aware of all of the choices you made without due consideration of possible consequences, forgive yourself for slipping into unconsciousness, and make a personal commitment to bring consciousness and intention into all of your choices going forward.
After you have completed this introspection, you can take a few more deep breaths, and honor yourself for doing the work necessary to take responsible stock of all of the choices you have made.
When you are ready, return to the people who have confronted you and take full ownership of the choices you made and why you made them. If necessary, apologize for any unintended consequences you may have created, and commit to those people your intention to choose more consciously in the future.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Easy Do-It-Yourself
This card will tell you how things are now…
Karma Crossroads
Choice
Overview
One thing that we all have available to us in every moment is Choice. It may not always seem that way, though.
Sometimes, some of the alternatives available to us may be completely unacceptable for any number of reasons, so it may seem that there is only one viable option, even if that last remaining option is distasteful—in which case, it is usually the least of all evils. When this happens, we may think that we really have no choice at all—or that we are forced into something we didn’t really want.
In other circumstances, we may be making our choices unconsciously. In this case, we may be operating on “auto-pilot”, making decisions without even being aware. The problem here is that, when we aren’t aware of our choices, then we are certainly not aware of their impact, and we may not realize how our actions are affecting the world around us.
In Karma Crossroads, we look at the concept of Choice in a new way, and we learn how to make our choices both consciously and responsibly.
Situation
Lately, you have been making a lot of your choices unconsciously, and you are now becoming aware of some of the unintended consequences of those choices. Some of the people around you are beginning to express displeasure or even upset because of your words or actions. Some of them may even be describing pain in their relationship with you. And now, you are beginning to feel internal guilt or shame because of the current situation, and the voice inside your head may be berating you for some of these choices, with words like:
- How could you be so bone-headed as to make a decision like that?
- What on earth were you thinking? You should have known this would happen.
In addition, you are feeling significant emotional pain of your own right now, worrying that you may not be able to make things right.
Recommendation
The first thing you must realize is that you cannot respond to anything anyone is saying to you from a place of knee-jerk reaction. The easiest way to deal with people who are upset with you right now is simply to say to them: I’m sorry to hear that you are upset, and I thank you for your feedback. I am not in a space to respond right now, but I will consider what you’ve said and get back to you later today. Then, find yourself a safe and quiet space where you can do some gentle and loving introspection.
As with all Life Mastery processes, begin by getting yourself into a relaxing position and take some slow deep breaths to help raise your awareness. Notice what is going on around you and within you and allow yourself to observe everything without judgment or interpretation.
As your level of relaxation and awareness increase, do a time scan over the recent past to observe the choices you have made. Pay close attention to the energy you had when you made those choices. Were you under some kind of pressure that led you to choose without putting your full attention and intention into those choices? Or were you simply operating on “auto-pilot”? Whatever the case, simply observe without judgment or interpretation.
As you become aware of all of the choices you made without due consideration of possible consequences, forgive yourself for slipping into unconsciousness, and make a personal commitment to bring consciousness and intention into all of your choices going forward.
After you have completed this introspection, you can take a few more deep breaths, and honor yourself for doing the work necessary to take responsible stock of all of the choices you have made.
When you are ready, return to the people who have confronted you and take full ownership of the choices you made and why you made them. If necessary, apologize for any unintended consequences you may have created, and commit to those people your intention to choose more consciously in the future.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Easy Do-It-For-You…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Ayuwi Circle
Relationship
Overview
Imagine a world in which you are completely alone. No other people. No animals or plants. No other life of any kind. And no inanimate objects of any kind, either. Sounds pretty desolate, to be sure. And yet, if you think about it for a moment, you might ask yourself this question: in the absence of all these things, how would you know who YOU really are?
It is a perplexing question, one well worth considering, for it brings us all face-to-face with a head-slapping realization: that we need all those other things (people, animals, inanimate objects, and so on) in our lives so that we can relate to them. And by relating to all those entities, we get to experience ourselves for who we really are.
That is what Ayuwi Circle teaches us: that Relationship is the single most powerful tool available to us in the physical realm for fully expressing and experiencing who we really are. In other words, relationships—all relationships—are sacred!
Situation
You are headed for troubled waters in one of your closest relationships. The other person will engage in a seemingly trivial behavior that will trigger a reaction within you. However, in the interest of “keeping the peace”, you will minimize the event and decide not mention it. In the following days or weeks, the other person will engage in other “trivial” behaviors that you will also minimize and stay silent about. Eventually, the build up of energy from your silent reactions will reach a breaking point, and you will react in a much more emotional, possibly even explosive, way.
Recommendation
The scenario described above is not uncommon, especially in close or intimate relationships. The problem is, we value our primary relationships and we want them to go well, so we may find ourselves choosing not to mention these so-called “trivial” problems because we believe that we’ll be seen as petty or nagging.
Unfortunately, if you withhold the truth about the internal reaction you are experiencing because of something your partner does, you are inadvertently creating a barrier to closer communication with him/her. It may be a very small barrier at first, and your partner may not even notice. But when the next trigger or “ouch” occurs and you again choose to remain silent, then you are effectively adding another “brick” in the wall between you and your partner. As more and more “bricks” are added, you become more and more sensitive to the things that your partner does, and soon enough, you won’t be able to contain your reaction anymore, and you will will over-react in a way that makes no sense at all to your partner!
To avoid this kind of problem, it really helps to develop a relationship practice of Sharing Withholds. This is a highly conscious process that requires you to step through your fear and into your courage, in order to share with your partner what is going on for you. The process in NOT about shaming or blaming your partner for whatever s/he did, nor is it about trying to get him/her to change in any way. Rather, it is about honestly and vulnerably sharing your own reaction—using Self-Responsible First Person Communication. It goes like this:
- Connect to your inner compassion and unconditional love, and approach your partner. Say something like this: Partner, I have a withhold I’d like to share with you. Are you willing to hear it? If your partner says yes, then continue with the process; otherwise, ask for a time when s/he’d be willing to hear what you have to say and come back later.
- Continue with your own share: Thank you for being available for this. When you did <describe the behavior without judgment>, I found myself feeling triggered. I felt <describe what you were feeling> and I noticed that I began reacting internally the way I reacted as a child whenever <describe the childhood situation that caused you pain>. I know you are not my <parent/guardian/whoever may have caused this pain>, and I do not want to create distance from you. I just wanted to share this with you so that you understand what’s going on for me.
- Pause to allow your partner to digest what you have shared. Your partner should simply say, Thank you for sharing this with me. Would you like me to respond to your share?
- You can say yes or no, whatever seems true for you in the moment. This may or may not lead to further discussion with your partner.
- Close the process with a shared hug, as appropriate in your relationship.
If you and your partner practice this kind of sharing on a regular basis, you will find your relationship growing stronger by the day.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Assetizing…
This card will tell you how things are now…
Karma Crossroads
Choice
Overview
One thing that we all have available to us in every moment is Choice. It may not always seem that way, though.
Sometimes, some of the alternatives available to us may be completely unacceptable for any number of reasons, so it may seem that there is only one viable option, even if that last remaining option is distasteful—in which case, it is usually the least of all evils. When this happens, we may think that we really have no choice at all—or that we are forced into something we didn’t really want.
In other circumstances, we may be making our choices unconsciously. In this case, we may be operating on “auto-pilot”, making decisions without even being aware. The problem here is that, when we aren’t aware of our choices, then we are certainly not aware of their impact, and we may not realize how our actions are affecting the world around us.
In Karma Crossroads, we look at the concept of Choice in a new way, and we learn how to make our choices both consciously and responsibly.
Situation
Lately, you have been making a lot of your choices unconsciously, and you are now becoming aware of some of the unintended consequences of those choices. Some of the people around you are beginning to express displeasure or even upset because of your words or actions. Some of them may even be describing pain in their relationship with you. And now, you are beginning to feel internal guilt or shame because of the current situation, and the voice inside your head may be berating you for some of these choices, with words like:
- How could you be so bone-headed as to make a decision like that?
- What on earth were you thinking? You should have known this would happen.
In addition, you are feeling significant emotional pain of your own right now, worrying that you may not be able to make things right.
Recommendation
The first thing you must realize is that you cannot respond to anything anyone is saying to you from a place of knee-jerk reaction. The easiest way to deal with people who are upset with you right now is simply to say to them: I’m sorry to hear that you are upset, and I thank you for your feedback. I am not in a space to respond right now, but I will consider what you’ve said and get back to you later today. Then, find yourself a safe and quiet space where you can do some gentle and loving introspection.
As with all Life Mastery processes, begin by getting yourself into a relaxing position and take some slow deep breaths to help raise your awareness. Notice what is going on around you and within you and allow yourself to observe everything without judgment or interpretation.
As your level of relaxation and awareness increase, do a time scan over the recent past to observe the choices you have made. Pay close attention to the energy you had when you made those choices. Were you under some kind of pressure that led you to choose without putting your full attention and intention into those choices? Or were you simply operating on “auto-pilot”? Whatever the case, simply observe without judgment or interpretation.
As you become aware of all of the choices you made without due consideration of possible consequences, forgive yourself for slipping into unconsciousness, and make a personal commitment to bring consciousness and intention into all of your choices going forward.
After you have completed this introspection, you can take a few more deep breaths, and honor yourself for doing the work necessary to take responsible stock of all of the choices you have made.
When you are ready, return to the people who have confronted you and take full ownership of the choices you made and why you made them. If necessary, apologize for any unintended consequences you may have created, and commit to those people your intention to choose more consciously in the future.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Automated Modeling
This card will tell you how things are now…
Nama Station
Forgiveness
Overview
When we are caught up in the dramas of our ego-minds, it is easy for us to fall into the habit of playing the BS Game—that is, the “Blame-Shame Game”. When someone else does something that causes us discomfort, upset or pain, we put ourselves into the role of victim and the other person into the role of perpetrator. In this way, we give all our power away to the perpetrator—who may not even be aware of the fact that s/he has done something “wrong”. In allowing ourselves to slip into this finger-pointing pattern, we often end up creating even more pain and upset for ourselves, while secretly hoping for the other person to suffer.
Nama Station teaches us about the powerful healing capabilities of Forgiveness, a tool whose sole purpose is to give ourselves permission to release ourselves from our own pain and suffering. When we forgive, it really has nothing to do with the so-called perpetrator! It is really all about letting go of something over which we have no control, and—without forgetting or condoning or agreeing with actual bad behavior—releasing ourselves from the prison of our own negative thinking, and reclaiming our power.
Situation
Somebody in your life has said or done something to you that seemed to come from malicious intent, and it has been causing you a lot of internal upset and emotional pain. The event in question happened at some time in the past—perhaps even the distant past—but it continues to haunt you today. The other person has not apologized or taken responsibility for the event, and apparently does not see things the same way you do. Worse, the other person doesn’t seem to recognize or acknowledge the pain that s/he caused you, and this is adding to your ongoing anger and resentment. You find yourself wishing the worst for this person, perhaps even dreaming of violence or retribution.
Whether this situation happened relatively recently or sometime in the more distant past, the fact that you are dwelling on it now is causing you a great deal of discomfort, upset or pain.
Recommendation
First and foremost is Safety. It is assumed in this discussion that you have taken all necessary steps to protect yourself from any potentially dangerous conditions or situations, and that, if appropriate, you have also alerted any law enforcement or other relevant support personnel.
It is important for you to find a way to quiet the voices in your head so that you can return to a grounded, centered state. One of the best ways for you to do this is to Forgive the person who is holding your ego-mind hostage. It may seem like a very difficult task right now, but if you can remember that Forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting someone else’s behavior, or letting him/her off the hook, and that it is really about giving yourself permission to release yourself from the pain you are creating by keeping the situation alive in your mind, then you will find it much easier to find Forgiveness in your heart—and this will quickly bring healing into your life.
When you are in a safe and quiet place, go through the 5 simple steps below:
- Understand the wrong-doing. What actually happened? Was it done deliberately, or did it happen by accident? Do you know the perptrator’s real intention or motivation, or is that something you are simply making up as part of your ego-mind story? What were the consequences? Which consequences were the direct result of the perpetrator’s actions, and which ones are the result of your own thinking patterns?
- Acknowledge and validate your judgments and feelings. Notice what kinds of thoughts and judgments you have about the perpetrator. Are you attached to “getting even” or finding justice or having your revenge? What do you imagine you might gain by following through on your vengeful thoughts? What are you feeling emotionally about all of this?
- Express and release your emotional energy. Allow yourself to fully experience and express the emotional energy associated with this situation. Some of this energy may be locked in place because of previous attempts to “stuff it”, so give yourself permission to feel it all. Allow it to pass through you so that the pain dissipates and eventually disappears.
- Own your part in the situation. This is not about making yourself wrong for whatever happened; it’s part of the process for raising awareness about your part of the situation. Did you do something that might have triggered the other person’s behavior? Was there a part of you that derived pleasure from pushing the other person’s buttons? Did you do something after the fact to make matters worse? Could you have done anything to improve, mitigate or resolve the situation?
- Re-connect to compassion and unconditional love. After your emotional energy has passed and you have honestly reflected on the whole situation, allow yourself to reconnect naturally and gently to compassion. Find a place of compassion for the other person, who may have been (and may still be) suffering from struggles of his or her own. Find a place of compassion for yourself and whatever struggle you’ve been going through, and release yourself from thoughts of revenge. Give yourself permission to forgive the other person; in the quiet silence of your mind, simply say “I forgive you.” At the same time, give yourself permission to forgive yourself; in your mind imagine that you are speaking to yourself, and say silently “I forgive you.”
You may need to go through this exercise a few times before all of the energy completely dissipates. Remember, the other person does not need to know you are doing this—the exercise is completely for you, and you alone. But do notice how much lighter and more open you feel each time you complete the exercise. Invite and embrace that lightness, and allow it to inform the way you show up going forward.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Cash Pumping In…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Sacred Mirror Falls
Identity
Overview
People everywhere experience societal pressure to conform to what others expect of them. We are drilled from a very early age to be nice, to fit in, to put others’ needs ahead of our own, and so on. We are told not to rock the boat, not to make waves. And if by chance we fail to abide by all these rules, then we run the risk of losing someone’s disapproval, or maybe being shunned, or even worse.
Unfortunately, in order to meet the demands of these rules and regulations, we often end up disowning ourselves. We put on masks and costumes in order to appear publicly the way we believe others want to see us. In doing so, our true selves get lost, and we often end up feeling unhappy, disillusioned, depressed or angry.
In Sacred Mirror Falls, you are taken into a deep exploration of Identity—that is, the essence and meaning of who you really are—and how you can maintain your sovereignty and uniqueness while still honoring the protocols that society puts in place.
Situation
You have been going about your business in your usual way, being nice to others, trying to accommodate everyone’s needs, and making sure you don’t make waves. However, you will soon be placed in a situation that will require you to choose between being nice and being real. You will not be able to avoid confrontation or conflict in this situation; you will be faced with the realization that your desire for “smooth sailing” may require you to manhandle your “boat” in ways you have never done before.
Recommendation
If you think of yourself as a “people pleaser”, as someone who defers to almost everyone else in your life, then you may be disowning your sovereignty as a Human Being without realizing it; however, the pain of disowning yourself may be showing up in subtle ways in your life. The time has come for you to reclaim the truth of who you really are, rather than who you think you are, and this will require you to stand in the truth of your own power—even if someone else feels uncomfortable because of it.
The truth is, you have no control over how other people feel or how they react, no matter how much you may believe this. You may have inadvertently deluded yourself into believing that your being nice keeps the peace and makes other people happy. But that’s just an illusion. You cannot make everyone like you, no matter how hard you try; the most you can do is love yourself, and allow that love to flow into the world unconditionally.
You must practice standing your own ground. This does not mean getting into confrontations with people for no reason; it simply means being true to yourself, without compromise, and without apology. You don’t have to be mean about this; you can still maintain a high level of compassion for others and retain your pleasant demeanor. However, when you are faced with a situation that may lead to conflict because someone doesn’t agree with you, you can hold your ground simply by listening to what the other person says—with a desire to deepen your understanding of his/her position. You may find common ground in that understanding—in which case you will likely avoid conflict altogether—but even if you don’t, you can still stand by your own convictions from a place of compassion.
Never compromise the truth of who you are in order to please someone else. The cost to you is much too high.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Awakening
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Alignment Ridge
Integrity
Overview
As we learn in Alignment Ridge, Integrity is a state of being in which our thoughts, words, actions and emotions are all in alignment. Being “in integrity” is a wonderful experience, and most of us know instinctively when we are there. But, as we also learn, Integrity is even more powerful when we synchronize our alignment with our sacred Purpose for being. When we create this kind of alignment, we feel inspired and motivated, perhaps even unstoppable!
No-one is “in integrity” 100% of the time; we all slip-up occasionally. Thankfully, one of the other tools we learn about in Alignment Ridge is Accountability, which enables us to perform some powerful introspection to find out how we got off track, and to create a new commitment to find our way back to our chosen path.
Situation
You will be faced with conditions and circumstances that will put at least two of your commitments in conflict with one another. You will find that you have to make choices that will pull you out of integrity with at least one of these commitments. Because you are a person who highly values integrity, this will cause you a great deal of inner turmoil; you will have difficulty making the necessary choices.
Recommendation
Whenever you have two or more commitments that come into conflict with each other, you are faced with a dilemma: Which commitment do I follow through on, and how do I minimize the damage when I break one of the others?
If you simply choose one commitment and forget about the other(s), then you risk damaging your relationship with the people involved in the broken commitments. This can get worse over time if you allow this sort of thing to happen repeatedly, because then people begin to see you as someone who doesn’t keep his/her word, who can’t be counted on, who “flakes out” and doesn’t follow through. This in turn leads to broken trust, which makes it very hard for people to stay in relationship with you. Most people will accept an apology once or twice, but after that, if there is no change in behavior, your fate is sealed with them.
So, what is the solution? Simple: Negotiation. This is a form of self-accountability because you are acknowledging that you somehow allowed two or more commitments to come into conflict with one another. You are taking responsibility for the choices you made to allow this to happen, and you are asking one or more of the people you committed to for permission to change the terms of the commitment(s).
You could approach the other party (or parties) and say something like the following:
I want to apologize to you because I’ve created a situation in which I have a conflict with the agreement I made with you. I will not be able to complete that commitment in the manner we agreed upon, and I would like to discuss with you how we might be able to re-structure the agreement in a mutually acceptable way.
The other person may not be in a position to modify the existing agreement, so you may have to try this approach with each of the other people involved. Whatever happens, make sure you approach each party with a genuine desire to find a mutually acceptable solution. Even if things don’t quite work out the way you want them to, at least you have made your best effort, preserved your integrity, and reduced the risk of broken trust with those people.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Igniting…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Alignment Ridge
Integrity
Overview
As we learn in Alignment Ridge, Integrity is a state of being in which our thoughts, words, actions and emotions are all in alignment. Being “in integrity” is a wonderful experience, and most of us know instinctively when we are there. But, as we also learn, Integrity is even more powerful when we synchronize our alignment with our sacred Purpose for being. When we create this kind of alignment, we feel inspired and motivated, perhaps even unstoppable!
No-one is “in integrity” 100% of the time; we all slip-up occasionally. Thankfully, one of the other tools we learn about in Alignment Ridge is Accountability, which enables us to perform some powerful introspection to find out how we got off track, and to create a new commitment to find our way back to our chosen path.
Situation
You will be faced with conditions and circumstances that will put at least two of your commitments in conflict with one another. You will find that you have to make choices that will pull you out of integrity with at least one of these commitments. Because you are a person who highly values integrity, this will cause you a great deal of inner turmoil; you will have difficulty making the necessary choices.
Recommendation
Whenever you have two or more commitments that come into conflict with each other, you are faced with a dilemma: Which commitment do I follow through on, and how do I minimize the damage when I break one of the others?
If you simply choose one commitment and forget about the other(s), then you risk damaging your relationship with the people involved in the broken commitments. This can get worse over time if you allow this sort of thing to happen repeatedly, because then people begin to see you as someone who doesn’t keep his/her word, who can’t be counted on, who “flakes out” and doesn’t follow through. This in turn leads to broken trust, which makes it very hard for people to stay in relationship with you. Most people will accept an apology once or twice, but after that, if there is no change in behavior, your fate is sealed with them.
So, what is the solution? Simple: Negotiation. This is a form of self-accountability because you are acknowledging that you somehow allowed two or more commitments to come into conflict with one another. You are taking responsibility for the choices you made to allow this to happen, and you are asking one or more of the people you committed to for permission to change the terms of the commitment(s).
You could approach the other party (or parties) and say something like the following:
I want to apologize to you because I’ve created a situation in which I have a conflict with the agreement I made with you. I will not be able to complete that commitment in the manner we agreed upon, and I would like to discuss with you how we might be able to re-structure the agreement in a mutually acceptable way.
The other person may not be in a position to modify the existing agreement, so you may have to try this approach with each of the other people involved. Whatever happens, make sure you approach each party with a genuine desire to find a mutually acceptable solution. Even if things don’t quite work out the way you want them to, at least you have made your best effort, preserved your integrity, and reduced the risk of broken trust with those people.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).
Focusing…
This card will tell you how things will be in the future…
Garden of Mercy
Compassion
Overview
It is pretty obvious that there is a lot of suffering in the world around us. And only the coldest of people would fail to feel empathy for this suffering, or to desire to find a way—no matter how small—to relieve it, or better yet, to eradicate it altogether. This internal drive to soothe or eliminate obvious suffering is what most of us recognize as Compassion, the key skill taught in Garden of Mercy. Compassion is a powerful force that, according to the Dalai Lama, is actually a primary pathway to happiness.
Ironically, while most of us have no difficulty experiencing or expressing compassion for others, all too often we have difficulty cultivating any level of compassion for ourselves and our own suffering. This is the main focus of the teaching of Garden of Mercy.
Situation
You will soon encounter circumstances involving a loved one that will challenge your natural ability to maintain your compassionate center. The loved one in question will be embroiled in circumstances of his/her own creation, resulting from some ill-considered or unconscious choices. If you allow yourself to go into reaction mode, you will find yourself berating your loved one, and making matters worse as a result of your own upset. You may also find yourself resorting to blaming or shaming statements, and telling your loved one things like “I told you so” or “You should have known better”.
Recommendation
Sometimes our loved ones do things that get them into trouble. This can be particularly difficult if the loved ones in question are children, in which case your role as a caring parent comes into play and you feel compelled to step in and help out—especially if your child is experiencing a lot of pain or suffering as a result of his/her choice. If the loved one happens to be an adult child, then things get complicated, because now you have to balance your desire to relieve suffering with the child’s need to experience the full impact of his/her choice. Of course, if the loved one in question is not one of your children, then your response will vary accordingly.
When a loved one gets into a challenging situation of his/her own creation, and it has a direct (negative) impact on you personally, you may find it difficult to remain grounded and compassionate. One of the first things you can do in this case to help remain grounded is to remember that, at one time or another in your life, you may have made a similar choice—a choice that caused problems for a lot of people you cared about. In other words, take a moment to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.
Remember your own situation, and the pain and suffering you caused as a result of your choice. Remember how that felt. You probably experienced some guilt or shame about it, and you probably deeply regretted what you had done, but in the face of the impact you created, people around you may not have wanted to hear about that; perhaps their reaction was less than compassionate, and it may have seemed as if they wanted you to suffer even more.
Now consider your loved one. As a result of his/her choice, s/he may be going through a very similar experience as you did, so you can empathize with this person, and you can approach him/her from a place of loving compassion. You can commiserate; you can share a little about your own experience; you can listen to understand more about the choice that was made. And when that is all done, you can help the other person find ways to make reparations.
Remember, we are all here on this physical plane to express and experience the truth of who we really are. In doing that, we sometimes make choices that cause pain for others. Whenever that happens, we must remember to treat ourselves with compassion and to forgive ourselves whenever necessary. And we must be willing to take responsibility for our choices, and make amends if appropriate.
For more information about this topic, please see the full program at Life Mastery Way (and remember the name of your card).